Monday, December 24, 2007

The B-Movie Buffet is on vacation*!

(*Mentally at least.)

We will return to our regularly scheduled schedule of regular weekly updates the first week of January.

Hope you all have a festive holiday season!
xoxo,
bunny

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Slasher flicks a-go-go; new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny grabs her sleeping bag and heads for the Smut Shack to spend the night with Camp Cuddly Pines Powertool Massacre.

While The Kommandant returns to The Decade That Dripped Blood for a confusing slice of slasher film, Happy Birthday To Me.

By the way, in case you were wondering why it's been so long between additions to the Smut Shack menu, it was due to the sad-but-true fact I totally forgot I even started a porn review column on the site. (Sad, but true.)

I blame this on the fact that, although I used to contribute adult movie reviews to a few different on-line publications that no longer exist, these days I only review porn for c14. And thus I only think about reviewing porn about twice a year. I was doing some year-end maintenance on the site the other day though, saw the Smut Shack folder and realized it was time I added something to it.

I also found a pile of currently unreviewed VividAlt and Burning Angel DVDs in my office so hopefully I'll remember to update this section more often in the future. (And, depending on how you feel about the porn column, this will either be a good or a bad thing.)

While we're on the subject of side notes, although most of the stuff we review comes to us via the mail, or those seemingly bottomless boxes of VHS tapes the husband has stashed in the basement, today's Decade That Dripped Blood entry comes to us by way of us stumbling across this film on On Demand in the wee hours of this past Saturday night.

I'd never actually seen the movie before but definitely remember being kind of freaked out by the promotional campaign when it originally came out - particularly the shish-kebob scenario as depicted in the movie poster above. (Also courtesy the personal collection of the Kommandant.) To put things into perspective and age myself at the same time though, I was ten years old when it was in theaters.

Anywhoo, now that I'm an adult and have seen all sorts of unpleasantries I figured it was safe to give it a whirl; and, I must say, the kebob-ing looked a lot nastier in the poster than in the film. And in retrospect, even the poster is pretty tame.

For those of you in the audience who also pay Comcast to put TV into their house there is another, seasonally appropriate, slasher flick available this month - New Year's Evil, featuring the woman who played Pinky Tuscadero on Happy Days. (That one was pretty horrible though so watch at your own risk.)

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Murderers, monsters and murderous monsters; new this week at the buffet...

This week Giallo Biafra takes a seat in his Trattoria Of Terror for a taste of Lucio Fulci's A Lizard In A Woman's Skin.

Stately Wayne Manor embarks on a voyage to The Angry Red Planet in the latest installment of Manor On Movies.

And Bunny sets the wayback machine for the sexadelic seventies and Paul Naschy's Horror Rises From The Tomb.

Enjoy!

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

A fistful of Fulci; new this week at the buffet...

In the most recent print version of the BMB, as seen in the most recent issue of c14, I made kind of a flippant remark about the collected works of Lucio Fulci. Which I probably shouldn't have done but, you know, things happen when you're on deadline.

My larger point was that I don't like really gross Italian zombie films, of which Fulci made many; including at least one with the word zombie in the title. Anywhoo, I should have known this would lead to us getting one or more non-gross non-zombie films he directed for review - and, in fact, we got two.

With that in mind, I present this week's menu options.

First join the Kommandant and be not entirely seduced by his sacrilegious sex comedy The Eroticist.

Then join me and consult Fulci's atmospheric thriller The Psychic.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Blood roses and lake monsters; new this week at the buffet...

Join Bunny as she takes time to stop and smell "the first sex-horror film ever made", The Blood Rose.

Then join The Kommandant and be struck by '70s obscurity The Crater Lake Monster.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Once you go black... Emanuelle; new this week at the buffet...

This week The Kommandant opens the Pandora's Box of Black Emanuelle's Box, Volume 2.

While Bunny does time with Eddie Romero's grittiest, grimiest, WIP-est flick, Black Mama, White Mama.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Werewolves and wackos; new this week at the buffet...

Bunny commits herself to spending the night (or at least 89 minutes) in Amicus' Asylum.

While The Kommandant takes a werewolf break with The Beast Must Die.

(PS: These two films are part of recently released Amicus Collection; along with And Now The Screaming Starts, which we reviewed earlier in the year.)

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Acid atrocities and renegade rednecks; new this week at the buffet…

While Halloween 2007 is a week behind us, we've probably got enough appropriately themed movies left in ye old review pile to last us until Christmas! Or at least Thanksgiving.

With that in mind, join Bunny as she does a double feature featuring two dubious features, Blue Sunshine & Monstroid.

Then join The Kommandant as he heads to Hillbilly Lagoon to face off against the aptly named Creature From The Hillbilly Lagoon.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

From ghastly gore to lycanthropic lunatics; new this week at the buffet…

Happy Halloween everybody! As promised we have a special menu item for you all today; a tempting, terrifying, often torturous array of gritty grindhouse fare that has confounded and confused even the most seasoned b-movie viewer.

I invite you to join The Kommandant & myself as we set sail for a Sin-E-Rama On Staten Island, a look at the garish, gore-ish films of Andy Milligan. And if you've never heard of this somewhat prolific filmmaker before, prepare to be dazzled. Or dumbfounded. Possibly both.

Anywhoo, as you may have guessed from the artwork at the right of this post, this piece was originally published in issue #30 of our humble journal of art, film, music, smut and wrestling, carbon 14. Or rather, it will have been originally published in that issue once the issue comes back from the printer. Which it won't for a couple more weeks.

Either way - enjoy!

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Mad doctors and doctor related madness; new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny schedules an appointment with curious Argentinean softcore porn / horror flick, The Curious Dr. Humpp.

While The Kommandant consults the creator of a gang of super sexpots built to kill, Dr. Goldfoot And The Bikini Machine.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Space monsters, seamen and moonmen, oh my; new this week at the buffet...

The Kommandant docks with a double dose of far out flicks, Gamera, Super Monster & They Came From Beyond Space.

While Bunny gets swept overboard by Great Britain's version of Godzilla, Gorgo.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Say you love Satan, or at least movies with the word Satan in the title; new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny has a sacrilegious play date with a reincarnation of Malabimba: The Malicious Whore, Satan's Baby Doll.

While The Kommandant returns to the vaults of Hammer horror to partake in The Satanic Rites Of Dracula.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

A double dose of demonic deviance; new this week at the buffet...

Although the air is far from crisp here on the East Coast, in my travels and errands this past weekend, I saw many things that reminded me that Fall - and therefore Halloween, hand's down the BMB's favorite holiday - is not that far away.

I'm working on a special menu for this oh so special occasion but, in the meantime, we're pleased to offer up this double helping of demonic possession.

First, join the Kommandant and be possessed by Cameron Mitchell's over-the-top performance in The Demon.

Then join Bunny to have an encounter with a teen temptress consumed by the depraved lust of Satan, Malabimba: The Malicious Whore.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A double dose of nudie cuties; new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny goes Walking In A Wishman Wonderland to find out what happens in a nudist camp during a Hideout In The Sun.

While The Kommandant takes a titillating romp through the wild and rollicking west with Russ Meyer's Wild Gals Of The Naked West.

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Something witchy this way comes; new this week at the buffet...

This past weekend the Kommandant & I took a trip to Salem Massachusetts, the unofficial official home of all things witchy. And I bring this up not because I think anyone cares what we do in our spare time but because this - in addition to the convenient release date of our first title - inspired this week's menu offerings.

With that in mind, grab a napkin and prepare to join the Kommandant and travel back to a time when men were men and people of both sexes were scared of the man in the pilgrim-esque hat: Matthew Hopkins, Witchfinder General.

Then join me as we travel to Mexico to peer into the smoking glass of omnipotent knowledge that is Chano Ureta's The Witch's Mirror.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Locked up lasses and more locked up lasses; new this week at the buffet...

This week it's a double dose of defiance, deviance, and group delousings as we shackle ourselves to two "classic" examples of the Women In Prison genre.

First join Bunny and be sentenced to a brief stint in a house of correction, corruption and cheesy lingerie, Reform School Girls.

Then join The Kommandant as he volunteers to be locked up with Jess Franco's Women Behind Bars.

PS: I just noticed this is our 100th BMB blog post. Yay for us!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Seized sirens and troubled teens (times three); new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny gets ready to rumble with a delinquent double dose of turbulent teensploitation, Teenage Gang Debs & Teen-Age Strangler.

While The Kommandant takes to his Corman Corner and faces off against the curiously paired Viking Women And The Sea Serpent & Teenage Caveman.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Possession and repossession; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny finds herself possessed by the spirit of a decidedly different take on an oft told tale of demonic possession, Abby.

While The Kommandant faces off against the occasionally erotic evil forces of Paul Naschy's version of The Exorcist, Exorcism.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Who's got what and what's got who; new this week at the buffet...

This week Bunny takes a seat in Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror and rhetorically wonders What Have You Done To Solange?

While The Kommandant travels to an island of the damned to seek the answer to a most un-PC question, Who Can Kill A Child?

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A double dose of De Ossorio; new this week at the buffet...

This week we are pleased to present two films from the fertile imagination of Spain's master of slow moving menaces, Amando De Ossorio.

First join Bunny and be spellbound by the vampire vixens and vulgar voodoo of The Night Of The Sorcerers.

Then saddle up alongside the Kommandant and return to the tombs of the blind dead for it's aptly named sequel, Return Of The Blind Dead.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Riot On North Seventh Street

One other thing I was super excited to learn about from our vacation email was The Secret Cinema's upcoming showing of Riot On Sunset Strip. And by upcoming, I mean it's this Friday night. (Sorry, I swear I meant to mention this last week; on the bright side, I did manage to mention it 48 hours before the event took place - which is better than I've done with these types of things in the past.)

Anywhoo, since SC's founding father Jay Schwartz always takes the time to write up informative press releases about his events, and is no doubt more capable of detailing all of the important points about said events than I, I decided to just reprint the contents of it here. Sans the portions that are not for publication, of course.

RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP: Super Screening And Author Event, Rare Photos And Films, Plus After-Party! Exciting New Venue!

Friday, August 10th
8:00 pm
Admission: $8.00 (includes talk, film & after-party)

Philadelphia Society of Free Letts (Latvian Society)
531 N. 7th Street, Philadelphia

Earlier this year, the Secret Cinema presented a sold-out evening of music and rock history, when Lenny Kaye co-hosted a garage-rock themed event called NUGGETS. We're happy to continue that tradition on Friday, August 10, when the Secret Cinema presents another very special program called RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP, celebrating an old movie and a brand new book of the same name.

The subject of each is Hollywood's famed Sunset Strip itself, the winding road that for a brief but memorable time became the epicenter of a whole new world of youth based excitement, especially including a new wave of home-grown rock music. From the moment the Byrds debuted at Ciro's on March 26th 1965 -- with Bob Dylan joining them on stage -- through the demonstrations of November 1966, Sunset Strip nightclubs introduced Love, Buffalo Springfield, the Mothers of Invention, the Doors, and so many more.

Our special guest will be rock historian Domenic Priore. His just published book, RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP: ROCK 'N' ROLL'S LAST STAND IN HOLLYWOOD (published by Jawbone Press, with foreword by the late Arthur Lee), shows how this legendary scene came together, burned briefly but brilliantly, and then fell apart after the Summer of Love.

Our August 10 event takes place in an exciting new venue for the Secret Cinema: The roomy upstairs ballroom of the venerable Philadelphia Society of Free Letts (Latvian Society), at 7th and Spring Garden. The night starts with an illustrated talk by Domenic about this fascinating moment in pop culture, accompanied by rare slides from original scene photographers like Henry Diltz, Yoram Kahana and Marc Wanamaker, as well as some relevant film clips from the Secret Cinema archives.

After some Q&A with our guest author, there will be a screening of the classic, garage rock-filled exploitation feature film RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP, which obviously provided the inspiration for the book's title (as well as the scorching Standells' theme song). The film will be presented, as usual, in glorious 16mm film on a giant screen.

Then, we provide a built-in after-party, in the funky (and reasonably priced!) downstairs bar of the Latvian hall with music provided by Domenic Priore and D.J. Silvia. Domenic will bring a choice selection of Sunset Strip sounds, including records by L.A. locals (Byrds, Standells, Bobby Fuller Four) and touring bands that made the Strip scene (Them, Velvet Underground), plus some valuable vinyl rarities. D.J. Silvia will add some international flavor, to show how the new sixties teen scene reverberated around the globe.

The approximate schedule is as follows:

8:00 pm - Illustrated talk by Domenic Priore: "Rock 'n' Roll's Last Stand in Hollywood"

9:00 pm - Film screening: RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP

10:30 pm until ? - After party with Domenic Priore and D.J. Silvia, book signing, etc.

Admission to all of the above is $8.00

More info follows about both the guest speaker and feature film...

Domenic Priore is a writer and television producer specializing in pop culture and music. He is the author of BEATSVILLE (with Martin McIntosh) and SMILE: THE STORY OF BRIAN WILSON'S LOST MASTERPIECE (with forewords by Brian Wilson and Van Dyke Parks), and was the main writer on the AMC documentaries HOLLYWOOD ROCKS THE MOVIES. His great and long running, if infrequently published (four issues spanning three decades!) zine, THE DUMB ANGEL GAZETTE, explores his various obsessions; its 1989 book-sized special edition LOOK! LISTEN! VIBRATE! SMILE! kick-started a revival of interest in Brian Wilson's unreleased SMILE project that ultimately led to Wilson
recording a new album of this music. A native of Los Angeles, Priore met Secret Cinema programmer Jay Schwartz when both served as contributing editors to Marshall Crenshaw's book HOLLYWOOD ROCK: A GUIDE TO ROCK 'N' ROLL IN THE MOVIES (1994, Harper Collins).

Riot on Sunset Strip (1967) Dir: Arthur Dreifuss

One of the best loved of American International's late-60s drive-in fodder movies, "the most shocking film of our generation" purported to blow the lid off the wild goings on in the Hollywood discotheques of the day. Producer Sam Katzman, ever watchful of trends, based the film on the real-life violent riots that erupted on the Sunset Strip after police harassment of the mobs of teenagers there.

Mimsy Farmer (who also starred in HOT RODS TO HELL before moving to Europe) plays a troubled girl who gets in with a bad crowd at the local rock club. She then goes off to a wild party where she is slipped LSD in her diet coke and is taken advantage of by five boys. Her absent father happens to be the chief of police, and the previously-tolerant man's violent reaction triggers a massive demonstration (the father is played by the late Aldo Ray, who began his career in mainstream movies and by the '70s had fallen to accepting a non-sexual role in a hardcore porno film).

As fun as all of this acid-crazed wild youth business is, the best reason to see RIOT ON SUNSET STRIP is the great footage of the garage rock heroes who appear in the nightclub scenes. The Standells (of "Dirty Water" near-fame) play the great title track and "Get Away From Here." The amazing Chocolate Watch Band, featuring genius Mick Jagger-imitator Dave Aguilar (now an astronomy professor) dish up two scorching punk anthems. Aguilar's snarling performance of "Don't Need Your Lovin" (a canny rewrite of "Milkcow Blues") stands as the cinematic definition of punk rock, past, present and future. The underrated Enemies (who left behind a few 45s on MGM before singer Cory Wells reunited with founding member Danny Hutton to form Three Dog Night) also perform.


Need a second opinion? Visit the BMB's own The B Hive to read Rob Smentek's astute summation of the film's finer points.

More information on this event and all other things Secret Cinema can be found at www.thesecretcinema.com

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

A quadrangle of quirky movie madness; new this week at the buffet…

The Kommandant gets a Winnebago seat education from a promiscuous pair of '70s sleaze flicks, Pick Up & The Teacher.

While Bunny commits to a double dose of '60s sexploitation sinema, Unholy Matrimony & My Third Wife George.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

B Movies invade Indiana

One other thing I learned about from our post vacation email is The B Movie Celebration. Here's a description of the event copied from said email:

What do you get when you show over 60 classics B movies, then add seminars by the greatest practitioners of the B Cinema artform working today: Well, you get The B Movie Celebration. A celebration of all cinematic B things being held August 17th thru 19th in Franklin, Indiana, the garden spot of the Mid West.

The B Movie Celebration is an event unlike any other. Part film festival, part educational symposium and part circus. Over sixty classic B feature film films will be shown, including 'Forbidden Planet", "Night of The Living Dead" and "Death Race 2000". Appearing at The Celebration, will be Troma Studio founder Lloyd Kaufman, B Film Legend Jim Wynorski, Effects Guru Tom Savini and numerous other practitioners of the B movie art form.


Now, I can't vouch for the garden spot-y-ness of Franklin, Indiana - or, really the event itself, as I'd never heard of it prior to reading the email - but I did look at their schedule and we have reviewed at least three out of the sixty classic B feature films that will be shown on the Buffet (namely The Devil Rides Out, The Fall Of The House Of Usher & Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!) which seems like a good enough reason to mention it here. Plus, they actually emailed me via my official c14 editrix address but by the time the next issue comes out, in October, it won't be news anymore.

Anywhoo, more info. on the event can be found at www.bmoviecelebration.com.

Monday, July 30, 2007

The BMB is back in town...

With our summer vacation now in the past tense, we will soon be returning to our regularly scheduled schedule of weekly updates - as soon as we climb out from under the pile of email, regular mail, laundry and work that accumulated while we were gone. (I'm thinking I'll post the update on Monday of next week but it could just as well wind up being Tuesday or Wednesday.)

In the meantime I thought I'd mention a couple things I learned from reading through my post-vacation email. (Technically these emails came in during our vacation but I didn't read them until today; i.e.: post vacation.) I think I'm gonna have to space these news nuggets out in increments over the next few days though, for the reason mentioned earlier.

Anywhoo, when faced with the question of "what do you want first, the good news or the bad news" I always choose to get the latter straight away. (For one thing when it comes to bad news I don't like to fuck around. I prefer to find out what the problem is asap so I can start figuring out how I'm going to deal with it. Plus I have a theory that the good news, when delivered after the bad news, helps to soften the blow of the former.) With that in mind, we'll start with the bad news.

While we were on vacation Lazlo Kovacs died. For those not familiar with his name (as I wasn't at first; although as soon as I looked at his IMDB page I realized I should know his name based on how many of the listed films I've seen), Kovacs was a cinematographer who was probably most famous for his work on such Hollywood classics as Five Easy Pieces & Easy Rider.

Of course we here at the BMB will always remember him for such non-Hollywood classics as Hells Angels on Wheels, Hell's Bloody Devils, Psych-Out, The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies and A Smell Of Honey, A Swallow Of Brine.

Surprisingly, the Kommandant and I have seen all of the films mentioned in the previous paragraph but only reviewed two of them on the site. (Interested parties can read reviews of Hell's Bloody Devils & The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies here and here.) I promise to work towards remedying that situation in the future.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Black candles and evil eyes; new this week at the buffet...

This week the BMB is welcomed to the grindhouse by two tales bloody horror.

First, the Kommandant is illuminated by the sacrilegious Satanic sleaze of Black Candles.

Then Bunny sets her sights on some disjointed dream-y Eurotrash and winds up getting the Evil Eye.

And on that note the buffet is closed for summer vacation! We will return to our regularly scheduled schedule of regular weekly updates the first week of August. See you then!

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Nudists and 'Nam vets; new this week at the buffet…

I completely forgot to plan ahead and whip up some sort of Fourth Of July themed menu offerings for this week's buffet but, conveniently enough, all three of these titles feature themes near and dear to those this great nation of ours was founded on - the freedom to roam around roadside attractions in the nude and the freedom to seek bloody revenge on those who have wronged us; respectively.

First up, join Bunny as she goes Walking In A Wishman Wonderland to take a peek at Doris' nudie cutie classic, Nude On The Moon. (This is the one featuring a roadside attraction by the way, namely South Florida's own Coral Castle.)

Then join the Kommandant as he buckles up for a drive-in double feature of '70s revenge-sploitation featuring Search And Destroy (starring Class Of 1984's Perry King) and The Glove (starring Black Christmas' John Saxon).

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Too much monkey business; new this week at the buffet...

This week we have pair of special menu offerings at the buffet, each featuring an extra large helping of an extra large monkey man. Why? Why the hell not.

First join Bunny and get swept up in the mechanical hand of AIP's offering to the giant ape genre, Konga.

Then join The Kommandant and go ape (like a big gorilla) over the Shaw Brothers' The Mighty Peking Man.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Movie monsters and monstrous movies; new this week at the buffet…

This week Bunny is less than horrified by the beasts, the machines & the dead (oh my) of the Creature Features Collection.

While The Kommandant gives the business to indie horror documentary Horror Business.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Black gloved killers and sloppily dressed zombies; new this week at the buffet…

This week Giallo Biafra returns to his Trattoria Of Terror to serve up a somewhat satisfying slice of Giallo, The Fifth Cord. (Featuring a kicky soundtrack by BMB fave Ennio Morricone.)

While Bunny visits The Living Dead At The Manchester Morgue & learns why it's often best to Let Sleeping Corpses Lie.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

The wild west meets naughty nurses; new this week at the buffet…

This week the buffet serves up a double dose of fiendish and frightening ghastly horrors that could only come from the twisted mind of Al Adamson.

First join The Kommandant have a non-Mexican stand-off with Adamson's Five Bloody Graves; then join Bunny & check in with Al's horny hospital of terror, Nurse Sherri.

In real world news: last week we were thrilled to hear that Exploitation Retrospect & Hungover Gourmet head honcho / longtime c14 contributor / close personal friend of the B-Movie Buffet, Dan "Dante" Taylor and his lovely wife Christine gave birth to a beautiful, bouncing baby girl. (Do babies actually bounce? I've never had one.)

At any rate, we pretty much expected the giving birth part after we learned of the pregnancy part - that's what the pamphlet at the gynecologists' office told us would happen - but it was still totally exciting. Here's the post-baby arrival post via Dan's blog(s):

Our daughter Ryan was born on Friday night, June 1st at 7:02 PM. She clocked in at 20.5" long and 7 lbs. 2 oz. Mom and Ryan came home from the hospital on Sunday and everybody is doing as well as can be expected. Still getting used to the topsy-turvy schedule (I've watched more TV at 3 AM over the last couple days than I have since college) and trying to stay as normal as possible. Which isn't easy.


Congratulations to all!

Wednesday, May 30, 2007

It's a psycho-delic freakout; new this week at the buffet…

This week Bunny tunes in, turns on and drops out with the lysergic emanations of The Acid Eaters & Weed; while the Kommandant takes a seat in his Corman Corner and finally takes in The Trip.

PS: Today's title is an homage to the Reverend Horton Heat circa the early '90s. He had a song called "Psychobilly Freakout," which was actually an instrumental; but every so often he would yell out "It's a psychobilly freakout!" Thus the title. By the way, did you know the relationship between the Kommandant & I dates back to a Reverend Horton Heat show circa the early '90s? It's true. Anyway, I just thought I would point that out to anyone who didn't catch that reference; which I'm thinking is probably, like, 95% of people reading this.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

It's a night-y night; new this week at the buffet…

This week the Kommandant returns to The Decade That Dripped Blood and spends the night with sub-par teen slasher flick Night Of The Demons.

Then Bunny bites into a vampiric, gothic tale of lust and lycanthropy, Paul Naschy's The Night Of The Werewolf; featuring box cover illustration by c14 #16 interviewee / cover artist Wes Benscoter and the funkiest theme song of any werewolf movie we've seen to date!

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Wanton wives and scandalous schoolgirls; new this week at the buffet…

This week Bunny gets tangled up in a web of steamy suburban sin courtesy genre staple Joe Sarno, Moonlighting Wives.

And The Kommandant learns what parents don't think is possible from the soft-core shenanigans of Schoolgirl Report Volume #1.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Dangerous kisses and diabolical kills; new this week at the buffet…

This week, join us as we travel to the sunny, sexy shores of Italy and come face to face with the diabolical danger of Mario Bava's Danger: Diabolik.

Then we'll head to Germany to pucker up and hunker down with sassy, silly spy flick Kiss Kiss, Kill Kill.

Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Possession and vengeance, Spanish style; new this week at the buffet…

This week we are pleased to feature two films from everyone's favorite lycanthropic lothario, Paul Naschy. Although he doesn't play a werewolf in either of these films; but that doesn't make them any less watchable.

First up, join the Kommandant and be bedeviled and possessed by The Devil's Possessed.

Then join Bunny and meet the mystics, madmen and man-beasts (oh my!) of Vengeance Of The Zombies.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Pitt, no pendulum; new this week at the buffet…

This week we have two horror-ific horror films starring the one and only Ingrid Pitt.

First, The Kommandant's ears are alive with the sound of Sound Of Horror; also starring Spanish beauty Soledad Miranda.

Then Bunny returns to the tombs of Hammer horror to be seduced by the sexy, sapphic sirens of The Vampire Lovers.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Brainiacs, kidnappers and pianists; new this week at the buffet…

New to our menu this week we have a trio of films that, essentially, have nothing in common. But that won't stop us from posting them in the same update!

First up, alphabetically speaking, join Bunny as she takes in the brain sucking terror of the most bizarre horror movie… ever… Brainiac.

Then join the Kommandant and be taken hostage by Mario Bava's curiously non-horrific lost masterpiece Kidnapped.

Finally, join Stately Wayne Manor as he discusses his thoughts on pianist enhancement in the latest installment of Manor On Movies, Sincerely Yours.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Naked and naked-er; new this week at the buffet...

This week we travel back in time to the seamy, steamy, sometimes black and white world of the swinging 1960s.

For an appetizer, prepare to strip down and pucker up for Samuel Fuller's cult kitsch classic, The Naked Kiss.

Then, for our main course, grab a seat at Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror to sample a satisfying slice of schoolgirl slaying, Naked You Die.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Deuce comes to Chicago!

Speaking of film festivals and things I didn't have time to blog about last week, regular c14 contributors Michelle Clifford and Bill Landis, of Sleazoid Express & Metasex fame, are / have been hosting a series of grindhouse films that I wish I lived close enough to attend at Chicago's Music Box Theater.

For those who may be unfamiliar with the Clifford / Landis oeuvre, here's the official press release, culled from the SE website.

Michelle Clifford and Bill Landis authored the definitive book on exploitation films and Times Square culture, Sleazoid Express, a distillation sprung from their film magazine that was the first to chronicle the Deuce lifestyle during its 25 years of debauchery. Forty Second Street, known to its denizens as the Deuce, was the most lowdown, seen it all, done it all, grizzled sexual stalking ground in the world. Films offered a smorgasbord of fun, an emotional rollercoaster of highs and lows. Endorphins on the rise, euphoria, dysphoria, shock and unintentional laughter. The Blood Horror genre wanted to drive you insane and leave you with shocking memories. California Sleaze was a fantasy world populated by beautiful girls at the mercy of the twisted. The Hardcore XXX Roughies genre was a bastard marriage of sadomasochism peppered with wild psychosexual performances, the ultimate in wish fulfillment to a grateful offbeat audience. On the flip side, the Sexphobic genre was littered with characters and plots revolving around severe sexual fears and traumas. Eventually the wrecking ball turned everything into multiplexes and all manner of uninspired mall shops. The neutered Times Square. What lives there now? Disney. Time has finally caught up to exploitation. To celebrate Quentin Tarantino's genre tribute film Grindhouse, Clifford and Landis evoke the Deuce, raising it from its grave to appear at The Music Box. Landis (who had been a projectionist at Deuce grindhouses) and his partner in crime, Clifford, will be present to introduce each film, reminisce about the Deuce, and answer questions. Each film will be preceded by fun-filled theatrical trailers of shocking and juicy exploitation hits.


It's too late to catch the first two installments, which featured "the penultimate of the California Sleaze genre," Pets and I Drink Your Blood, a film that "exemplifies the Blood Horror genre with its fast, unrelentingly violent and sexually explicit shocks," but residents of the Windy City, or anyone else who happens to find themselves in the area over the next two weekends, still have time to catch the final two installments.

This week's feature is Toys Are Not For Children:

The masterpiece of the Sexphobic genre. A sexually arrested young woman works in a toyshop and sleeps with her dolls. Traumatized by her shrew mother and whoring drunken absentee father, she pathologically throws aside her ineffectual husband to reunite with her long lost Daddy. In her quest, she is led to hell by her prostitute Aunt and her worthless greasy pimp. A dirty pearl from the Sleazoid private family collection.


Next week it's Dominatrix Without Mercy:

The crown jewel of the Roughie genre from the Deuce's infamously malevolent Avon Productions. In a dominatrix's lair, we are treated to the possibilities that lead men to pay for professionals. Marlene Willoughby, a slender, severe sadist trains, chastises, and delivers fountains of liquid gold to her weepingly happy clientele. Jamie Gillis is a man in need of a tight rope and strong hard sexual healing. A true relic of the '70s Sleazoid ethos. Wanna come to a private party?


For more info. visit www.musicboxtheatre.com or www.sleazoidexpress.com

Monday, April 09, 2007

Bunny & The Kommandant do the Philadelphia Film Festival…

Spring has sprung here in Hostile City, despite the less than Spring-like temperature, and thus the Philadelphia Film Festival is in full bloom.

Technically it was in full bloom last week as well (the festival started on April 5th) but I was too busy to blog about it then. Plus there was nothing I wanted to go see last week. This week we've been blessed with a relatively light schedule and were able to find two PFF screenings we want to hit. Not to mention the fact that we're going to see Roky Erikson Sunday night in NYC. (And, PS: I am totally excited!) But I digress.

Friday night we're gonna go check out The Burglar at the Ritz 5; presented by Irv Slifkin. The Kommandant and I are big fans of only other "b noir" film we've seen starring Jayne Mansfield, Dog Eat Dog, and Jayne Mansfield in general, so this sounded like a winner.

Here's the blurb about it from the PFF website:

This classic example of a "B noir" was shot in and around Philadelphia and Atlantic City. Dan Duryea stars as the leader of a group of thieves (which includes Bryn Mawr native Jayne Mansfield) who steals a coveted necklace from a spiritualist living in a Main Line mansion. As tensions start to run high among the thieves, a couple of less-than-honorable cops appear on the scene leading to a chase along the Steel Pier. Adapted from his own story by David Goodis (writer of Truffaut's Shoot the Piano Player and Jacques Tourneur's Nightfall), this offbeat crime yarn was produced by Louis W. Kellman ("Diver Dan") and stylishly directed by Paul Wendkos (The Mephisto Waltz) in a flamboyant cinematic style reminiscent of Orson Welles at his most extravagant. Other highlights include appearances by local news legend John Facenda and the diving horse at the Steel Pier. We are proud to reintroduce this film in a pristine new 35mm print. Local author "Movie" Irv Slifkin will talk about the film and sign copies of his latest book "Filmadelphia: A Celebration of a City's Movies" (Middle Atlantic Press), which features The Burglar and over 100 other films made in and around our area.


Saturday afternoon we'll be heading to the Ritz East for the Philadelphia premiere of Viva. We've reviewed a bunch of these "suburban sin" type films over the years and, while they can be hit or miss, I'm very curious to see a modern take on this classically '70s style of sexploitation. Plus I'm developing a serious crush on the woman who wrote, produced, directed and stars in this film, Anna Biller.

Here's some information on that one, again from the PFF website:

Sure to be a future cult classic, the sheer audacity of Viva is something to behold. Anna Biller has single-handedly and lovingly created a campy sexploitation pic worthy of Russ Meyer, Radley Metzger and Hershel Gordon Lewis. Biller not only stars in the film, but collected all the set pieces and costumes and wrote and directed as well. The result is a swirling, boozy, large-breasted, semi-clad sexual odyssey that is vividly colorful, outrageously over-the-top and just a lot of breezy good fun. Biller stars as Barbi, a buxom housewife, who yearns to explore her sexuality. In the midst of the sexual revolution and with an adventurous friend along, she sets off in search of herself. Taking on the pseudonym "Viva" for her exploits, her journey lands her in a world of prostitution, nudist colonies, drugs, lesbianism and bohemian orgies. Viva's breathtaking color palate highlights Biller's set design of flamboyant 1970s "chic." Every detail is meticulously crafted, from the hilariously stilted performances right down to the copies of books like "Gynomite" sitting on shelves in this hilarious and nostalgic look at the innocent days when sex was still something "dangerous."

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

More woman on woman action - literally; new this week at the buffet…

This week the BMB gets down and dirty with some good ol' fashioned American-made smut! (Actually, the first movie wasn't that good; but you get the idea.)

For an appetizer of the softcore variety join The Kommandant as he collides with a silly, gory, sexploitative collision of sex, gore, silliness and silicone, Pervert!

Then head on over to Bunny's Smut Shack and celebrate it's inaugural edition with an up-close look at a gang of vicious, reckless, sex hungry pinup girls out for trouble, The Rebelle Rousers; starring, among others, the foxy folks you see here. Please note: this one's strictly for the grown and sexy. (No, seriously, it's our new porn column so I had to put an age statement on this one. Proceed accordingly.)

[images courtesy VividAlt.com]

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Woman on woman action; new this week at the buffet…

Once again the BMB spans the globe - or, in this week's case, the North American continent - to bring you a variety of sensational, or at least sensationalistic, sinema.

Head to Mexico with Bunny to revisit an oft-told tale of cursed crying women with kitschy atmospheric horror flick The Curse Of The Crying Woman.

And join The Kommandant on a whirlwind trip to the Big Apple where you'll go Walking In A Wishman Wonderland and test your limits with Doris' gender-bending extravaganza Let Me Die A Woman.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Euro fiends from beyond the grave; new this week at the buffet…

This week we have a trio of trash film from the land of pasta, Pisa and the Pope.

First we'll dig up the cinematic conundrum that is The Red Headed Corpse. Then we'll briefly sell our collective souls to the kitschy clutches of late '60s lost Euro-thriller Satanik. If we've still got room, we can revisit the previously reviewed film that rounds out this unholy trinity, The Faceless Monster.

Manga!

Friday, March 16, 2007

The Maddest Story Ever Told!

I don't know what the weather is like where you live today but here in Philly it is a rainy, snowy, sleet-y mess! In other words, a perfect day to stay home and watch movies. Since this evening's forecast seems to contain more of the same, I'd venture to say tonight would also be a good night to stay home and watch movies. With that in mind, should you find yourself around the TV around 2 AM EST, I highly recommend tonight's offering on The Underground, Spider Baby, by recent BMB feature subject Jack Hill.

To read the Kommandant's thoughts on this fine film - and, if you're so inclined, the rest of the feature - click here. (PS: Just in case anyone was wondering, the print version of this feature, as well as the issue of carbon 14 that surrounds it, should be back from the printer next week.)

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Mucho Mario; new this week at the buffet…

As mentioned in my newly uploaded review of Mario Bava's Hatchet For The Honeymoon, I originally intended to feature this film as part of our Valentine's Day menu but couldn't find a rental copy. Fast forward to the present or, more accurately, the recent past (as in not last Saturday, but the Saturday before that) the Kommandant and I find ourselves at the Quakertown Flea Market. On our way to get some shrimp empanadas from the Caribbean joint that opened there last year, we pass the market's video store where we learn they're having a buy-two-get-one-free sale, intended to thin out their musty old VHS stock. Needless to say, I allowed him to talk me into making a pass through their stacks.

Well, OK, I didn't need that much convincing. But I was hungry and had to "use the facilities"; so first we ate, then I went to the bathroom. Then we went to the used / back issue magazine stand where I perused recent copies of Juxtaopz & Vogue Knitting and rejoiced in seeing one time c14 interviewee and longtime Philly punk Rich "Poor" Hoak on the cover of Metal Maniacs. Then I went looking for the husband and found him in the porn section.

There I unintentionally scared off an old biker couple and perused the assorted smut, particularly the copious amounts of African American and Latino porn magazines they've recently started carrying there (I had no idea there were so many!), as well as some of their "vintage" Playboys and copies of Outlaw Biker from the mid-'80s while the Kommandant flipped through copies of ITA, aka International Tattoo Art. (BTW, why do places like that always put tattoo mags in the porn section?) Anyway, then we went back to the video store.

We didn't have much money in our collective pockets, and agreed to limit ourselves to what we had in cash, before hitting the shelves separately to see what we could find. He headed straight for the horror section, while I opted to start with the shelf in front of me. It was their "cult" section and contained mostly Ed Wood and John Waters movies; both things I like, but not necessarily anything I haven't seen before or couldn't find elsewhere. Then I found myself in the biker section and immediately saw a copy of an obscure flick Thee Whiskey Rebel told us about ages ago, The Pink Angels. I wasn't looking for it specifically, but the oversized and severely out-dated plastic box was so damn big it overshadowed every other regular old cardboard box on the shelf.

I snapped it up (not like anyone else around me was that interested in it; I think the nerdy, overweight kid standing next to me was only there because that was the closest he'd ever been to a woman before) and when we met up again, the husband had a copy of the aforementioned Bava film in hand. Clearly we had found the two portion of our buy-two-get-one-free deal. For our third film we chose Devil's Possessed, starring none other than Paul Naschy.

To get back to this week's update, also new to the menu today is another Bava classic - the haunting, atmospheric, Gothic thriller Kill Baby Kill.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Black pits and golden vampires; new this week at the buffet…

The Kommandant dives into a made-in-Mexico tale of madness, murder, vengeance & terror, The Black Pit Of Dr. M.

Bunny returns to the vault of our If I Had A Hammer column and bears witness to a battle between a group of black belts and the forces of black magic, The Legend Of The 7 Golden Vampires.

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Spy vs. spy vs. spy; new this week at the buffet…

This week the BMB spans the globe to bring you a variety of superfly spy-tastic sinema.

First, join The Kommandant as he channels his inner James Bond and survives both Assassination In Rome and Espionage In Tangiers.

Then join Bunny and dive into the tale of a magnificently silly secret agent, Le Magnifique.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Bunny goes to the Oscars; 2007 edition…

As some of you may know, I have a lot of jobs. I'd list them all for you but then we'd risk veering off topic - and I haven't even gotten near the topic yet. Plus it would just stress me out because then I would have to face the realization that there about twenty other things I should be doing right at this very moment, other than writing a post-Oscar blog post. Unfortunately, however, a post-Oscar blog post can't really be postponed seeing as how it has a small enough window of relevance as it is. Fortunately for my to-do list, I don't have a whole lot to say about this year's Oscars so this won't keep me, or you, occupied for too long.

To sum up the 2007 awards show in three words: it was boring. And predictable. (Except when the guy who played Captain Invincible won an award. I'm sure no one saw that coming; least of all Eddie Murphy.) But that would have been five words. In fact, the biggest surprise of the evening was how well I did on my filled-out-at-the-last-minute (and consisting mostly of blind guesses because I didn't see a single one of these movies) Oscar ballot. Normally the Kommandant has superior skills when it comes to figuring out the whims of voting Academy but this year his instincts failed him. I'm thinking it was the weather. (There was a snow / slush storm here in Philly yesterday afternoon, which may have clouded his judgment or otherwise interfered with his psychic abilities.) If the balance of our respective luck stays true to course, he should beat me soundly at Scrabble the next time we play. Which will then assure that I will beat him at mini-golf on our first round of '07. But I digress.

It was nice to see Forest Whitaker honored; I've always liked him. Ditto Martin Scorcese and Ennio Morricone but, in retrospect, those two honors seem a little irrelevant at this point. I mean, the rest of us acknowledged Scorcese as a brilliant filmmaker and Morricone as a brilliant composer a long time ago. Aren't they supposed to set trends in Hollywood? Speaking of which, let's move on to what we really watch the Oscars for: the fashion. Which was boring and predictable as well.

Oh how I long for the days before actresses had on-site stylists armed with cell phones who have people text messaging them reports on what ANTM's Mr. Jay just said about their client's outfit on E! so they can re-dress her a bit before her big moment. (How else do you explain the disappearance of that Patti Labelle circa Lady Marmalade inspired aluminum foil shrug thing that chick from Dreamgirls who is not Beyonce wore on the red carpet; meaning the one that was mysteriously absent when she sauntered up to the stage to receive her award a couple hours later. That shit was the highlight of the evening.)

In summation, none of the ensembles were enough to distract my attention away from the Women's Fashion Spring 2007 issue that came in yesterday's New York Times or the super cute shrug I'm knitting*. Nor was the event itself. I think that kind of says it all.

(*Just in case anyone is actually interested enough in what I'm knitting to look at that link, my version will be sans pointy things. No offense to the designer, who I think is wonderful. I'm just not a pointy triangle edging kind of girl. And, I'm sorry guys. I know this whole thing is way off topic. But I haven't had the time to start a knitting blog, due to the abundance of jobs I mentioned earlier, so I had nowhere else to write that. I couldn't help myself though, it had to be written! Finishing a sweater is one thing; finishing a sweater that actually fits great and looks good on you can make a person a little giddy.)

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Screaming cryptic terror; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny grabs some earplugs and starts in on somewhat timid Euro-shocker And Now The Screaming Starts.

While The Kommandant peeks inside a cryptic, terrifying Crypt Of Terror and uncovers a non-sensical pairing of two completely unrelated flicks from the '70s, Land Of The Minotaur & Terror.

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Melting Satanists and vengeful coal miners; new this week at the buffet…

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I don't know what you've all got planned for this "holiday" but I hope it's fun. We don't have anything specific on our schedule today, aside from a swanky sounding dinner the Kommandant has planned for us. (The post dinner plans I have for him won't be discussed in public.) But we did both manage to clear our respective work schedules enough to take the rest of day off, which is definitely something to celebrate. Anywhoo, I have planned a special VD menu for you, our beloved buffet readers, as well; let's get to it so I can get back to that day off I was just talking about. Okey dokey?

For our appetizer, join me as we bathe in the Shatner versus Satan showdown, The Devil's Rain; also starring Vinnie Barbarino, Lt. McHale, and the dude from Green Acres.

Then, for our main course, join the Kommandant as he returns to The Decade That Dripped Blood and falls for first wave slasher flick My Bloody Valentine.

Monday, February 12, 2007

Lust Or Bust; not exactly new, but newly uploaded to the blog…

Did you know one year ago today, in the middle of a Noreaster inspired fit of boredom, I started the B-Movie Buffet Blog? It's true. Technically it was one year ago yesterday, but I don't really count that day since I didn't post anything, except a test sentence to see if it would work. (And it did! Take that Yahoo Groups.)

Our region was actually due for another big snowstorm this week, not today but Wednesday, AKA Valentine's Day 2007, which I thought would be appropriate. (I even heard our neighbor Andy - as mentioned in said first blog entry - revving up his woefully under-used snow blower this morning.) But alas, as of today's forecast at least, it seems like that won't be coming to pass.

At any rate, in honor of this snowless blog anniversary, and the impending St. Valentine's Day holiday, I present to you the second official Bunny's B-Movie Buffet column, in it's original CrimsonAndCherry.com form. (Sans my review of Vamipros Lesbos, which appears on our website in an expanded form.) Enjoy!

Ah, love… life's sweetest reward… fortunately for you readers that's all I remember from the theme from The Love Boat; and fortunately for me it's still enough to use it as the introduction to today's special menu at the B-movie Buffet.

As many of you probably know, Valentine's Day is this week. And whether you're married, dating or single; gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, a virgin or a stone cold hoochie - you'll need something to do on Valentine's Day. Hell, we all need something to do every day but let's not make ourselves crazy. One day at a time. For this particular Valentine's Day night may I recommend dinner and a movie? (And then maybe some other stuff that won't be discussed in this column; your sexual habits are your own business.)

Whether you hate love or love to love, everyone can appreciate a full tummy and a good flick. Which in my house means a good bad flick, and there's no shortage of those to salute romance gone right or wrong. In an effort to refamiliarize myself with some movies I saw years ago and now wanted to write about, the Kommandant and I spent the weekend before Valentine's Day watching these particular movies so we'll have to choose something else. You didn't though, so if you're in the mood for some grade B spice, pick one of these tales of the lusty and / or love-lorn and dive-in.

Bride Of The Monster (Image Entertainment) You cannot talk about B-movies without mentioning Ed Wood at some point. Well, I suppose you could, but I'd really prefer that you didn't. In honor of today's theme I've chosen this timeless tale of love, power and a giant man-killing octopus. Bela Lugosi plays Dr. Vornoff, a mad scientist with an evil plan (what self-respecting mad scientist doesn't have an evil plan?) and, thanks to his one successful experiment, an unusually strong assistant / henchman named Lobo. (Played by Tor Johnson.) But all is not well in the dilapidated castle on the edge of town they call home. Poor Lobo isn't complete. Henchmen need love too, you know; and then there's Dr. Vornoff's lust for control of the universe. Not to worry, the doctor's got a plan that can kill those two birds with one stone. Step one: find a pretty young lass and give her superhuman strength. Step two: mate said lass with Lobo and viola—a race of atomic super people under the doctor's command. Finding the woman is the easy part, beat reporter Janet Lawton practically falls right into Vornoff's lap while trying to get the first scoop on the "other monster" the town is living in fear of. (Remember the octopus?) Will Janet's fiancee arrive in time to rescue his love or will she become the bride of the monster? There's only one way to find out.

Suburban Roulette (Something Weird) Some say love was a whole different ballgame back in the swingin' '60s. Maybe they're right; I wouldn't know, I was born in 1970. If this movie (dubbed one of the sleaziest movies in the history of the world by Joe Bob Briggs) is any indication, the term love thy neighbor certainly had a whole different meaning in some neighborhoods in the late sixties. At least the neighborhoods where there was a lot of wife swapping. And wouldn't you know, that just happens to be the kind of neighborhood the Fisher family settles down in. At first, suburban living seems like the perfect salve for their wounded love; he's promised to give up drinking and she, to stop fooling around with other men. Sounds reasonable enough but, as we soon see, easier said than done. Within minutes of arriving at their new home they're greeted by a friendly neighbor who invites them to a bar-b-que. Maybe in the city that would be an innocent enough invitation but out here in the 'burbs sin is in, baby, and soon after meeting all their new neighbors, Burt starts throwing back drinks like it's New Years Eve while Eileen canoodles in the corner with the hostesses hunky husband. And that's just the start of the sexual shenanigans. Surprisingly enough, even suburban swingers eventually tire of that routine and end up resorting to good ol' fashioned monogamy instead. Except Eileen, she goes nuts and o.d.'s on pills; but the other couples go back to monogamy, and presumably so do Burt and Eileen once she regains consciousness. Awwww. Love, one; whorin' around, zero.

Tromeo And Juliet (Troma) OK, remaking Romeo and Juliet is not the most original idea but Troma's Lloyd Kaufmann has made a career out of leaving no obvious cinematic stone unturned. In fact, it's surprising he waited until '97 to give it a shot, but when there are so many Toxic Avenger sequels to make, you've got to budget your time. So what's to set this apart from the other film versions of the same timeless tale? Well, for one thing Lemmy isn't in any of those other versions. (In this one, he serves as the chorus. For those of you not versed in all things Shakespearean, the chorus speaks only to the audience and kind of fills in the gaps and moves the story along.) The other thing that sets it apart is that it's made by Troma. They are legitimate B-Movie making / producing legends and this particular movie prominently features pretty much every aspect of the unique brand of cinematic magic that has made them famous - lots of nudity, gore, sex, "special effects," carefully placed inside jokes, etc. I suppose they could have really gone all the way and made Tromeo some kind of mutant with a giant prostethic something but - hey, it's Shakespeare. Even Kaufmann's gotta pay Bill his props. The story does get somewhat Troma-tized though. (If you will.) Long forgotten is the real reason the Montagues and Capulets hate each other; in this 20th Century version, set in New York City's Lower East Side, the patriarchs of the Que and Capulet families were once partners in exploitation filmmaking. When Capulet blackmails Que into signing away his rights to their films a bitter, bitter feud ensues. Years later, when innocent young buck Tromeo spies the lovely, lithe Juliet at a costume party, love / lust turns everything even more topsy turvy. (As love / lust is wont to do.) I won't give the whole plot away, to see what happens to our star crossed lovers you'll just have to investigate for yourself. I have to hand it to Troma with this one, they definitely pulled out all the stops while attempting, and succeeding, in putting their own stamp on an oft told story.

Wham, Bam, Thank You Spaceman (Something Weird) From the oh-so-kooky mind of Harry Novak comes Wham, Bam, Thank You Spaceman, a completely and utterly wacky softcore sci-fi "comedy." (I use the term loosely as most comedies are funny and this movie isn't necessarily.) You know you're in for a wild ride when you get introduced to the two leading "males," Sergeant Jack-off and Private Asshole, as they get their assignments. (They're aliens, wear full costumes through the whole film and don't have normal genitalia; I'd elaborate but why spoil it?) Their goal is fairly simple: impregnate earth women to propagate their species. But seeing as how they have funky genitalia and all, first they have to observe us strange earthlings and our stranger mating rituals. Then, after that, they get their alien freak on with a wide array of fortunate (or unfortunate depending on your outlook) ladies until their mission is complete and alien babies are being born into Los Angeles county hospitals like it ain't no thing. Way to go vulgar spacemen! I definitely wouldn't recommend this to the B-Movie novice, you need to have seen at least one other Harry Novak film—and liked it—in order get anywhere near appreciating this. (Be forewarned, the dialogue is awful. Awful!) But if you think you've seen it all in the realm of badfilm and you haven't seen this your mission, my earthbound friend, is not yet complete.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

Bunny & The Kommandant Meet The Aztec Mummy... Collection; new this week at the buffet...

This week we get wrapped up in the trilogy of tomb dwelling terror that is The Aztec Mummy Collection, featuring La Momia Azteca, AKA Attack Of The Aztec Mummy; La Maldicion De La Momia Azteca, AKA Curse Of The Aztec Mummy; and La Momia Azteca Contra El Robot Humano, AKA The Robot VS. The Aztec Mummy.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Franco-A-Go-Go revisited; new this week at the buffet…

New to the menu this week we have a double dose of Franco-phonic film, sure to satisfy the hunger of the most discerning Eurotrash fan.

First up, join The Kommadant in getting bitten by Franco's literal take on the tale of the world's most famous vampire, Count Dracula.

Then join me as we travel back in time to the swingin' '70s where we'll be slayed by Jess' ode to sexadelic homicidal revenge, She Killed In Ecstasy.

Happy Birthday To Us…

As mentioned in a previous post, we here at the B-Movie Buffet have a few different anniversaries that mark various starting points in our relatively brief existence but I would be remiss if I didn't point out that today is the website's official birthday, as it was exactly two years ago today that I uploaded the "alpha" version of the site. (Being an alpha woman, I never bothered to attempt a beta version.) I don't have a whole lot else to say on that subject except - yay!

Thanks to all of our contributors, the kind people / companies that send us DVDs to review each and every week and, of course, our readers (if you're reading this, that means you!) for your support and encouragement.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

2007: The Year Exploitation Movies Broke, Again?

As if Grindhouse weren't enough to look forward to in 2007, I stumbled across this most exciting news blurb while reading the Fangoria post posted by Dante that inspired our last blog entry. Normally I'm not really in favor of re-making classic films that don't need to be re-made but even I can't wait to see what this dude does with The Wizard Of Gore; the fact that Crispin Glover plays Montag is the goopy, congealed icing on this surely bloody cake.

Speaking of HG Lewis - which is always a good thing, right? - the other day I was looking through the Kommandant's mighty vinyl archive and I was surprised to stumble across this Blood Feast / Two Thousand Maniacs soundtrack LP. (Pictured at right.)

You might be surprised to think that after 11 years of marriage I would find anything surprising in my husband's many collection(s); but if you have a spouse like mine - you know, the kind of spouse who regularly frequents record bins at flea markets & thrift stores and / or who has many collections - maybe you wouldn't. By the way, I suppose it's technically my vinyl archive as well; since we're married and all. Plus all of the vinyl records I came into the marriage with are filed in somewhere amongst the many stacks. But I don't know… much like the kitchen, this area of the house kind of seems to be mostly his domain to me, as he spends the most time and effort stocking and tending to it. I do frequent both areas for recreational purposes though. (PS: don't worry about me; I've got my own areas of the house.)

Of course, after unearthing it I had to listen to it. And, as one might imagine, it was pretty awesome, and hilarious, and awesomely hilarious. Fortunately for those of you who are not married to a person with a vinyl fetish, someone (whoever owns Birdman Records I guess) had the forethought to put this stuff on what appears to be an easily accessible CD, The Eye Popping Sounds of Herschell Gordon Lewis, which features all of the tracks from the LP plus a selection of other assorted musical gems from other assorted HG Lewis movie gems like She Devils On Wheels and Suburban Roulette. Interested parties can check out some samples of this fine release here.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

The Grindhouse vs. The Underground

I don't know about anybody else, but I'm starting to get a little excited about the prospect of this upcoming Robert Rodriguez / Quentin Tarantino venture, Grindhouse. As some of you may know, I have a bit of a love / hate thing - and, sometimes just a hate / hate thing - with ol' QT but this film very well might be enough to bring me over to the dark side. If you haven't heard about the film(s), check out this article from today's New York Times.

While perusing said article I also learned the IFC channel has been showing some sort of series of "grindhouse" films, as part of their aptly named Grindhouse series, Friday nights at midnight. Of course, Comcast doesn't carry the IFC channel so we can't watch it - oddly enough, I even had trouble loading the IFC's website - but if your carrier does, check it out & let me know what I'm missing.

I'm assuming this is IFC's answer to The Underground, TCM's Friday night B-Movie series hosted by part-time rocker, part-time movie maker, full-time sexy bitch Rob Zombie. And before we totally get off the topic of Grindhouse, the movie, according to Fangoria Mr. Zombie's contribution is what looks to be an awesome trailer for a movie that will sadly never, ever be made (unless Grindhouse does really, really, well), Werewolf Women Of The SS. Thanks to Dante @ Exploitation Retrospect for blogging about this, and therefore alerting me to it's existence.

Anywhoo, Comcast does carry TCM and I have to admit, the Kommandant & I often find ourselves in bed with the TV on around 2 AM on a Friday night, so we've caught a few of their offerings and can attest, they've shown some good stuff on there. Many of these fine films have been reviewed on our own humble website; The Fall Of The House Of Usher, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Mudhoney and Wild Guitar, to name a few. This past Friday night they even went so far as to dare show two of the Kommandant's favorite so-bad-they're-"good" films, the mind numbing double feature of Billy The Kid Versus Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter; the latter of which also has the distinction of being dubbed "The Worst Film Of All Time" by BMB / c14 contributor Peter Santa Maria.

Via this series we've also caught a couple of flicks we'd always wanted to see but never actually got around to seeing, like The Conqueror Worm and The Honeymoon Killers. (Both highly recommended.) I think The Underground is on a hiatus of sorts during the month of February (in lieu of the channel's 31 Days Of Oscar programming) but returns on March 9th with I Bury The Living.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

From spider babies to switchblade sisters; new this week at the buffet…

As promised in our last update / blog post, this week we are pleased to present the first official peek at the contents of carbon 14 #29, our salute exploitation auteur Jack Hill, So Hard To Kill, So Easy To Love. We'll be very, very pleased when the issue is actually back from the printer and out in the mail, but that's not gonna happen for another few weeks. Anywhoo, on behalf of myself & the Kommandant - enjoy!

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Cheerleaders, satanic and swinging; new this week at the buffet…

Last week the BMB "staff" was saddened to hear of the passing of Yvonne De Carlo; best known to us, and most of the world, as Lily Munster of TV's The Munsters. With this in mind I decided to honor her memory by watching (and writing a review of) the first movie that always pops into my head whenever I think of movies featuring Yvonne De Carlo, aside from Munster, Go Home, Satan's Cheerleaders.

Also new to the menu this week we have another, decidedly different, take on the pom-pom genre, The Swinging Cheerleaders; directed by none other than Jack Hill. This review was originally due to appear in the next issue of carbon 14, as part of our salute to the cinematic genius of Jack Hill, but it wouldn't fit. Plus, in all honesty, I didn't think the movie - unlike so many of his other films - had much cinematic genius to it. On the other hand, I hate to see a review go to waste. Speaking of c14, tune in next week for the full column, AKA the first official peek at the contents of #29.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Hustlers, Riders and Mob-ettes; new this week at the buffet…

It is now the second week of January 2007 and, as promised in our last posting, we are back from our brief holiday hiatus and ready to resume our regular schedule of regularly scheduled updates. So let's dig in, shall we?

First join the Kommandant for a nonsensical double feature of '70s sleaze that'll take us from the jungles of the Philippines, where we'll get hustled by the ladies of the Hustler Squad, to the hills of California where we'll be taken for a ride by a pair of ruthless, sadistic, jive talking Wild Riders.

Then join me as we head off to an undisclosed location and get saddled up to cruise alongside an unusually manicured group of hog straddling female animals on the prowl, The Mini-Skirt Mob.