One thing I really liked about writing for CFBC was, much like c14, Stacey never assigned a specific theme to her zine. Therefore, people sent all sorts of assorted crap there for review. (And, of course, I use the term crap with respect.)
In turn, she would send me all sorts of assorted crap to review - obscure old foreign films; recently filmed low budget indie flicks; documentaries; music videos... I never knew what might lie in the bubbly confines of my bubble mailer on any given month. Which was always fun. Even when the stuff contained in said package didn't seem like it would be particularly fun to watch.
This week's selection is a good example of this. Here we have an obscure piece of Eurotrash, an American made "no budget" indie flick and another in a long line of zombie movies made by people who spent way too much time watching George Romero movies.
Tune in next Friday for yet another batch from the vaults; of my hard drive. Enjoy!
Eerie Midnight Horror Show
(Sinema Diable / Eclectic DVD)
Eerie Midnight Horror Show is the second movie I've received for review on the Sinema Diable imprint. (I think they're exclusively distributed by Eclectic DVD, thus the reason Eclectic gets to have their name and address as the contact.) Rumor has it that SD is owned by Glen Danzig, AKA the one time frontman for Danzig, Samhain and the Misfits (make that the original Misfits, not that half assed crew that's touring and recording under that name today); AKA he who is short in sense of humor and stature but tall in bicep muscles, sideburns and attitude. Seems believable enough to me. I mean, if his former band's lyrics, song titles, imagery, etc. are any indication, he's spent a lot of time watching movies. Further, one can only assume that somebody with a real interest in a specific movie genre - say, horror movies - would start to seek out older, obscure, low budget or foreign films to feed their need when they've tired of Hollywood's offerings. Sinema Diable seems to specialize in old, obscure, low budget, foreign horror films so when you rhetorically ask 'who would be aware of a movie like this, let alone love it enough to be inspired to bring it to a larger audience?' and the answer is 'the ex-lead singer of horror punk band the Misfits,' it does make sense. If only the rumor he's in talks to play Wolverine in a big budget action movie was as likely to be true… that would have been so great. Anywhoo, deciding whether or not the world is a better place now that this movie is readily available is not my job. My job is to watch the movie and describe it to you, the loyal reader. I will do my best. Eerie Midnight Horror Show is a movie known by many names, or at least two other names, The Sexorcist and Tormented. Basically it's the story of an innocent young lady who, through no fault of her own of course, becomes possessed by an evil spirit that makes her do a whole bunch of fucked up shit until eventually a priest comes to her rescue and exorcises the pesky demon. Kinda like that other movie about an innocent young lady being possessed by an evil spirit you might be familiar with. In this film however, instead of the heroine being a decidedly un-sexy (no offense to Linda Blair) pre-adolescent, our heroine is a sexy twenty-ish Italian babe and you get to watch her prance around in a sheer flowery mini dress and rounded toe black leather t-strap heels. (Which are so completely back in style!) I didn't hear her say anything about anyone's mother sucking cocks anywhere, maybe it was lost in the Italian-to-English translation, nor did her head spin round and round but she did masturbate while licking the front door of her apartment (?) and much like every other exorcism / possession movie, she vomits a bunch and foams at the mouth and stuff. Then, after an hour and fifteen minutes or so of that the holy guy steps in. He takes some verbal abuse, says some mumbo jumbo and poof - no more demon. Good always prevails over evil, you see. Even in bad movies.The Girls From H.A.R.M.
(Amusement Films)
Before even getting to the main feature I learned from the pre-movie trailer that the team behind this film also made a movie I've heard a lot of great things about (but haven't gotten to see yet), El Frenetico & Go Girl; so straight away I was looking forward to viewing The Girls From H.A.R.M. Plus, based on my interpretation of what is good cinema, any movie with shillouettes of crime-fightin' babes as part of their package design has got to be good. (Except perhaps that Charlie's Angels movie with Drew Barrymore.) And I was not disappointed. I'm not gonna re-count the plotline, cause I think if everyone out there reading this went and saw this movie, the world would be a better place. (Albeit slightly, it is just a movie after all.) Suffice it to say, you can expect lots o' good old kung fu action from cute girls in tight outfits plus, of course, the prerequisite twists and turns that come with a story about a gang of renegade, evil-stomping bad / good girls. (Note: these bad girls are actually quite innocent, even while kicking ass - this flick contains no nudity, no profanity, only the slightest bit of blood and the tiniest bit of sexual innuendo. Nonetheless, I imagine that at least half the men who have watched this movie got wood from one of the girls from H.A.R.M. Pornography is in the eye of the beholder, you know.) I prefer a low budget movie - Amusement Films likes to call it a "no budget" movie - to a major motion picture and I must say I enjoyed this particular low budget movie quite a bit. Even if you don't like low budget movies you might like this one though. Really. Would I steer you wrong? OK maybe I would, but I'm not now. This also deserves bonus points for a killer theme song and, although I'm guessing it was not intended to be this way, I loved the fact that one of the evil do-ers (Mr. Wahl, the head of Wahl Industries) was totally dressed like the guys in Mooney Suzuki. (You know: black suit, black shirt, slightly sloppy bowl haircut—everything except an instrument.) But I digress. It honestly warms my heart to think that somewhere out there in the world, as I type this, there are people making (or least planning) grade-A B-movies. I applaud them for it.Biohazardous
(Moodude Films/Eclectic DVD)
When I opened my review package for this month, I got a glimpse of the title before I pulled everything out so for a second I thought maybe this was a DVD related to the band Biohazard; who are, by all accounts, nice fellas but maybe not my favorite band to listen to. Upon closer inspection it became clear that was in fact a movie, a low budget horror movie at that; which, I'm sure, is also made by nice people, but maybe not my favorite kind to watch. Nonetheless, watch it I did. All 93 or so seemingly endless minutes. There's nothing wrong with Biohazardous per se, it's just not my kind of zombie movie. I like campy zombie movies that don't take themselves too seriously. Or zombie movies that are old. I appreciate the existence of Night Of The Living Dead trilogy as much as the next guy, but not if we're talking about the guys that made this. The problem is, they don't so much appreciate it throughout Biohazardous, as they do make a lot of vague and not so vague references to the films over and over until it's, um, over. The plot, while quite detailed, was pretty transparent; featuring all the stereotypical signposts you'd expect: the gated building where mysterious shit happens, the middle aged security guard who just wants to mind his own business in an effort to feed his family, the bored teenagers looking for kicks, and the nosy cops with nothing better to do than investigate the goings on of all of the above. (Gratuitous T & A was curiously absent however. Teenage sex is usually a given in any horror movie but these poor teenagers barely had time to get messed up, let alone get laid, before getting devoured by the undead.) At any rate, even though I wasn't crazy about it, I know there is an audience out there that would appreciate this special effect laden, bloody & gory, B-grade horror flick. I'm just not a member of it.
No comments:
Post a Comment