Bunny goes to the Oscars; 2007 edition…

As some of you may know, I have a lot of jobs. I'd list them all for you but then we'd risk veering off topic - and I haven't even gotten near the topic yet. Plus it would just stress me out because then I would have to face the realization that there about twenty other things I should be doing right at this very moment, other than writing a post-Oscar blog post. Unfortunately, however, a post-Oscar blog post can't really be postponed seeing as how it has a small enough window of relevance as it is. Fortunately for my to-do list, I don't have a whole lot to say about this year's Oscars so this won't keep me, or you, occupied for too long.

To sum up the 2007 awards show in three words: it was boring. And predictable. (Except when the guy who played Captain Invincible won an award. I'm sure no one saw that coming; least of all Eddie Murphy.) But that would have been five words. In fact, the biggest surprise of the evening was how well I did on my filled-out-at-the-last-minute (and consisting mostly of blind guesses because I didn't see a single one of these movies) Oscar ballot. Normally the Kommandant has superior skills when it comes to figuring out the whims of voting Academy but this year his instincts failed him. I'm thinking it was the weather. (There was a snow / slush storm here in Philly yesterday afternoon, which may have clouded his judgment or otherwise interfered with his psychic abilities.) If the balance of our respective luck stays true to course, he should beat me soundly at Scrabble the next time we play. Which will then assure that I will beat him at mini-golf on our first round of '07. But I digress.

It was nice to see Forest Whitaker honored; I've always liked him. Ditto Martin Scorcese and Ennio Morricone but, in retrospect, those two honors seem a little irrelevant at this point. I mean, the rest of us acknowledged Scorcese as a brilliant filmmaker and Morricone as a brilliant composer a long time ago. Aren't they supposed to set trends in Hollywood? Speaking of which, let's move on to what we really watch the Oscars for: the fashion. Which was boring and predictable as well.

Oh how I long for the days before actresses had on-site stylists armed with cell phones who have people text messaging them reports on what ANTM's Mr. Jay just said about their client's outfit on E! so they can re-dress her a bit before her big moment. (How else do you explain the disappearance of that Patti Labelle circa Lady Marmalade inspired aluminum foil shrug thing that chick from Dreamgirls who is not Beyonce wore on the red carpet; meaning the one that was mysteriously absent when she sauntered up to the stage to receive her award a couple hours later. That shit was the highlight of the evening.)

In summation, none of the ensembles were enough to distract my attention away from the Women's Fashion Spring 2007 issue that came in yesterday's New York Times or the super cute shrug I'm knitting*. Nor was the event itself. I think that kind of says it all.

(*Just in case anyone is actually interested enough in what I'm knitting to look at that link, my version will be sans pointy things. No offense to the designer, who I think is wonderful. I'm just not a pointy triangle edging kind of girl. And, I'm sorry guys. I know this whole thing is way off topic. But I haven't had the time to start a knitting blog, due to the abundance of jobs I mentioned earlier, so I had nowhere else to write that. I couldn't help myself though, it had to be written! Finishing a sweater is one thing; finishing a sweater that actually fits great and looks good on you can make a person a little giddy.)

Screaming cryptic terror; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny grabs some earplugs and starts in on somewhat timid Euro-shocker And Now The Screaming Starts.

While The Kommandant peeks inside a cryptic, terrifying Crypt Of Terror and uncovers a non-sensical pairing of two completely unrelated flicks from the '70s, Land Of The Minotaur & Terror.

Melting Satanists and vengeful coal miners; new this week at the buffet…

Happy Valentine's Day everyone. I don't know what you've all got planned for this "holiday" but I hope it's fun. We don't have anything specific on our schedule today, aside from a swanky sounding dinner the Kommandant has planned for us. (The post dinner plans I have for him won't be discussed in public.) But we did both manage to clear our respective work schedules enough to take the rest of day off, which is definitely something to celebrate. Anywhoo, I have planned a special VD menu for you, our beloved buffet readers, as well; let's get to it so I can get back to that day off I was just talking about. Okey dokey?

For our appetizer, join me as we bathe in the Shatner versus Satan showdown, The Devil's Rain; also starring Vinnie Barbarino, Lt. McHale, and the dude from Green Acres.

Then, for our main course, join the Kommandant as he returns to The Decade That Dripped Blood and falls for first wave slasher flick My Bloody Valentine.

Lust Or Bust; not exactly new, but newly uploaded to the blog…

Did you know one year ago today, in the middle of a Noreaster inspired fit of boredom, I started the B-Movie Buffet Blog? It's true. Technically it was one year ago yesterday, but I don't really count that day since I didn't post anything, except a test sentence to see if it would work. (And it did! Take that Yahoo Groups.)

Our region was actually due for another big snowstorm this week, not today but Wednesday, AKA Valentine's Day 2007, which I thought would be appropriate. (I even heard our neighbor Andy - as mentioned in said first blog entry - revving up his woefully under-used snow blower this morning.) But alas, as of today's forecast at least, it seems like that won't be coming to pass.

At any rate, in honor of this snowless blog anniversary, and the impending St. Valentine's Day holiday, I present to you the second official Bunny's B-Movie Buffet column, in it's original CrimsonAndCherry.com form. (Sans my review of Vamipros Lesbos, which appears on our website in an expanded form.) Enjoy!

Ah, love… life's sweetest reward… fortunately for you readers that's all I remember from the theme from The Love Boat; and fortunately for me it's still enough to use it as the introduction to today's special menu at the B-movie Buffet.

As many of you probably know, Valentine's Day is this week. And whether you're married, dating or single; gay, straight, bisexual, asexual, a virgin or a stone cold hoochie - you'll need something to do on Valentine's Day. Hell, we all need something to do every day but let's not make ourselves crazy. One day at a time. For this particular Valentine's Day night may I recommend dinner and a movie? (And then maybe some other stuff that won't be discussed in this column; your sexual habits are your own business.)

Whether you hate love or love to love, everyone can appreciate a full tummy and a good flick. Which in my house means a good bad flick, and there's no shortage of those to salute romance gone right or wrong. In an effort to refamiliarize myself with some movies I saw years ago and now wanted to write about, the Kommandant and I spent the weekend before Valentine's Day watching these particular movies so we'll have to choose something else. You didn't though, so if you're in the mood for some grade B spice, pick one of these tales of the lusty and / or love-lorn and dive-in.

Bride Of The Monster (Image Entertainment) You cannot talk about B-movies without mentioning Ed Wood at some point. Well, I suppose you could, but I'd really prefer that you didn't. In honor of today's theme I've chosen this timeless tale of love, power and a giant man-killing octopus. Bela Lugosi plays Dr. Vornoff, a mad scientist with an evil plan (what self-respecting mad scientist doesn't have an evil plan?) and, thanks to his one successful experiment, an unusually strong assistant / henchman named Lobo. (Played by Tor Johnson.) But all is not well in the dilapidated castle on the edge of town they call home. Poor Lobo isn't complete. Henchmen need love too, you know; and then there's Dr. Vornoff's lust for control of the universe. Not to worry, the doctor's got a plan that can kill those two birds with one stone. Step one: find a pretty young lass and give her superhuman strength. Step two: mate said lass with Lobo and viola—a race of atomic super people under the doctor's command. Finding the woman is the easy part, beat reporter Janet Lawton practically falls right into Vornoff's lap while trying to get the first scoop on the "other monster" the town is living in fear of. (Remember the octopus?) Will Janet's fiancee arrive in time to rescue his love or will she become the bride of the monster? There's only one way to find out.

Suburban Roulette (Something Weird) Some say love was a whole different ballgame back in the swingin' '60s. Maybe they're right; I wouldn't know, I was born in 1970. If this movie (dubbed one of the sleaziest movies in the history of the world by Joe Bob Briggs) is any indication, the term love thy neighbor certainly had a whole different meaning in some neighborhoods in the late sixties. At least the neighborhoods where there was a lot of wife swapping. And wouldn't you know, that just happens to be the kind of neighborhood the Fisher family settles down in. At first, suburban living seems like the perfect salve for their wounded love; he's promised to give up drinking and she, to stop fooling around with other men. Sounds reasonable enough but, as we soon see, easier said than done. Within minutes of arriving at their new home they're greeted by a friendly neighbor who invites them to a bar-b-que. Maybe in the city that would be an innocent enough invitation but out here in the 'burbs sin is in, baby, and soon after meeting all their new neighbors, Burt starts throwing back drinks like it's New Years Eve while Eileen canoodles in the corner with the hostesses hunky husband. And that's just the start of the sexual shenanigans. Surprisingly enough, even suburban swingers eventually tire of that routine and end up resorting to good ol' fashioned monogamy instead. Except Eileen, she goes nuts and o.d.'s on pills; but the other couples go back to monogamy, and presumably so do Burt and Eileen once she regains consciousness. Awwww. Love, one; whorin' around, zero.

Tromeo And Juliet (Troma) OK, remaking Romeo and Juliet is not the most original idea but Troma's Lloyd Kaufmann has made a career out of leaving no obvious cinematic stone unturned. In fact, it's surprising he waited until '97 to give it a shot, but when there are so many Toxic Avenger sequels to make, you've got to budget your time. So what's to set this apart from the other film versions of the same timeless tale? Well, for one thing Lemmy isn't in any of those other versions. (In this one, he serves as the chorus. For those of you not versed in all things Shakespearean, the chorus speaks only to the audience and kind of fills in the gaps and moves the story along.) The other thing that sets it apart is that it's made by Troma. They are legitimate B-Movie making / producing legends and this particular movie prominently features pretty much every aspect of the unique brand of cinematic magic that has made them famous - lots of nudity, gore, sex, "special effects," carefully placed inside jokes, etc. I suppose they could have really gone all the way and made Tromeo some kind of mutant with a giant prostethic something but - hey, it's Shakespeare. Even Kaufmann's gotta pay Bill his props. The story does get somewhat Troma-tized though. (If you will.) Long forgotten is the real reason the Montagues and Capulets hate each other; in this 20th Century version, set in New York City's Lower East Side, the patriarchs of the Que and Capulet families were once partners in exploitation filmmaking. When Capulet blackmails Que into signing away his rights to their films a bitter, bitter feud ensues. Years later, when innocent young buck Tromeo spies the lovely, lithe Juliet at a costume party, love / lust turns everything even more topsy turvy. (As love / lust is wont to do.) I won't give the whole plot away, to see what happens to our star crossed lovers you'll just have to investigate for yourself. I have to hand it to Troma with this one, they definitely pulled out all the stops while attempting, and succeeding, in putting their own stamp on an oft told story.

Wham, Bam, Thank You Spaceman (Something Weird) From the oh-so-kooky mind of Harry Novak comes Wham, Bam, Thank You Spaceman, a completely and utterly wacky softcore sci-fi "comedy." (I use the term loosely as most comedies are funny and this movie isn't necessarily.) You know you're in for a wild ride when you get introduced to the two leading "males," Sergeant Jack-off and Private Asshole, as they get their assignments. (They're aliens, wear full costumes through the whole film and don't have normal genitalia; I'd elaborate but why spoil it?) Their goal is fairly simple: impregnate earth women to propagate their species. But seeing as how they have funky genitalia and all, first they have to observe us strange earthlings and our stranger mating rituals. Then, after that, they get their alien freak on with a wide array of fortunate (or unfortunate depending on your outlook) ladies until their mission is complete and alien babies are being born into Los Angeles county hospitals like it ain't no thing. Way to go vulgar spacemen! I definitely wouldn't recommend this to the B-Movie novice, you need to have seen at least one other Harry Novak film—and liked it—in order get anywhere near appreciating this. (Be forewarned, the dialogue is awful. Awful!) But if you think you've seen it all in the realm of badfilm and you haven't seen this your mission, my earthbound friend, is not yet complete.

Bunny & The Kommandant Meet The Aztec Mummy... Collection; new this week at the buffet...

This week we get wrapped up in the trilogy of tomb dwelling terror that is The Aztec Mummy Collection, featuring La Momia Azteca, AKA Attack Of The Aztec Mummy; La Maldicion De La Momia Azteca, AKA Curse Of The Aztec Mummy; and La Momia Azteca Contra El Robot Humano, AKA The Robot VS. The Aztec Mummy.

Franco-A-Go-Go revisited; new this week at the buffet…

New to the menu this week we have a double dose of Franco-phonic film, sure to satisfy the hunger of the most discerning Eurotrash fan.

First up, join The Kommadant in getting bitten by Franco's literal take on the tale of the world's most famous vampire, Count Dracula.

Then join me as we travel back in time to the swingin' '70s where we'll be slayed by Jess' ode to sexadelic homicidal revenge, She Killed In Ecstasy.

Happy Birthday To Us…

As mentioned in a previous post, we here at the B-Movie Buffet have a few different anniversaries that mark various starting points in our relatively brief existence but I would be remiss if I didn't point out that today is the website's official birthday, as it was exactly two years ago today that I uploaded the "alpha" version of the site. (Being an alpha woman, I never bothered to attempt a beta version.) I don't have a whole lot else to say on that subject except - yay!

Thanks to all of our contributors, the kind people / companies that send us DVDs to review each and every week and, of course, our readers (if you're reading this, that means you!) for your support and encouragement.

2007: The Year Exploitation Movies Broke, Again?

As if Grindhouse weren't enough to look forward to in 2007, I stumbled across this most exciting news blurb while reading the Fangoria post posted by Dante that inspired our last blog entry. Normally I'm not really in favor of re-making classic films that don't need to be re-made but even I can't wait to see what this dude does with The Wizard Of Gore; the fact that Crispin Glover plays Montag is the goopy, congealed icing on this surely bloody cake.

Speaking of HG Lewis - which is always a good thing, right? - the other day I was looking through the Kommandant's mighty vinyl archive and I was surprised to stumble across this Blood Feast / Two Thousand Maniacs soundtrack LP. (Pictured at right.)

You might be surprised to think that after 11 years of marriage I would find anything surprising in my husband's many collection(s); but if you have a spouse like mine - you know, the kind of spouse who regularly frequents record bins at flea markets & thrift stores and / or who has many collections - maybe you wouldn't. By the way, I suppose it's technically my vinyl archive as well; since we're married and all. Plus all of the vinyl records I came into the marriage with are filed in somewhere amongst the many stacks. But I don't know… much like the kitchen, this area of the house kind of seems to be mostly his domain to me, as he spends the most time and effort stocking and tending to it. I do frequent both areas for recreational purposes though. (PS: don't worry about me; I've got my own areas of the house.)

Of course, after unearthing it I had to listen to it. And, as one might imagine, it was pretty awesome, and hilarious, and awesomely hilarious. Fortunately for those of you who are not married to a person with a vinyl fetish, someone (whoever owns Birdman Records I guess) had the forethought to put this stuff on what appears to be an easily accessible CD, The Eye Popping Sounds of Herschell Gordon Lewis, which features all of the tracks from the LP plus a selection of other assorted musical gems from other assorted HG Lewis movie gems like She Devils On Wheels and Suburban Roulette. Interested parties can check out some samples of this fine release here.

The Grindhouse vs. The Underground

I don't know about anybody else, but I'm starting to get a little excited about the prospect of this upcoming Robert Rodriguez / Quentin Tarantino venture, Grindhouse. As some of you may know, I have a bit of a love / hate thing - and, sometimes just a hate / hate thing - with ol' QT but this film very well might be enough to bring me over to the dark side. If you haven't heard about the film(s), check out this article from today's New York Times.

While perusing said article I also learned the IFC channel has been showing some sort of series of "grindhouse" films, as part of their aptly named Grindhouse series, Friday nights at midnight. Of course, Comcast doesn't carry the IFC channel so we can't watch it - oddly enough, I even had trouble loading the IFC's website - but if your carrier does, check it out & let me know what I'm missing.

I'm assuming this is IFC's answer to The Underground, TCM's Friday night B-Movie series hosted by part-time rocker, part-time movie maker, full-time sexy bitch Rob Zombie. And before we totally get off the topic of Grindhouse, the movie, according to Fangoria Mr. Zombie's contribution is what looks to be an awesome trailer for a movie that will sadly never, ever be made (unless Grindhouse does really, really, well), Werewolf Women Of The SS. Thanks to Dante @ Exploitation Retrospect for blogging about this, and therefore alerting me to it's existence.

Anywhoo, Comcast does carry TCM and I have to admit, the Kommandant & I often find ourselves in bed with the TV on around 2 AM on a Friday night, so we've caught a few of their offerings and can attest, they've shown some good stuff on there. Many of these fine films have been reviewed on our own humble website; The Fall Of The House Of Usher, Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!, Mudhoney and Wild Guitar, to name a few. This past Friday night they even went so far as to dare show two of the Kommandant's favorite so-bad-they're-"good" films, the mind numbing double feature of Billy The Kid Versus Dracula and Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter; the latter of which also has the distinction of being dubbed "The Worst Film Of All Time" by BMB / c14 contributor Peter Santa Maria.

Via this series we've also caught a couple of flicks we'd always wanted to see but never actually got around to seeing, like The Conqueror Worm and The Honeymoon Killers. (Both highly recommended.) I think The Underground is on a hiatus of sorts during the month of February (in lieu of the channel's 31 Days Of Oscar programming) but returns on March 9th with I Bury The Living.

From spider babies to switchblade sisters; new this week at the buffet…

As promised in our last update / blog post, this week we are pleased to present the first official peek at the contents of carbon 14 #29, our salute exploitation auteur Jack Hill, So Hard To Kill, So Easy To Love. We'll be very, very pleased when the issue is actually back from the printer and out in the mail, but that's not gonna happen for another few weeks. Anywhoo, on behalf of myself & the Kommandant - enjoy!

Cheerleaders, satanic and swinging; new this week at the buffet…

Last week the BMB "staff" was saddened to hear of the passing of Yvonne De Carlo; best known to us, and most of the world, as Lily Munster of TV's The Munsters. With this in mind I decided to honor her memory by watching (and writing a review of) the first movie that always pops into my head whenever I think of movies featuring Yvonne De Carlo, aside from Munster, Go Home, Satan's Cheerleaders.

Also new to the menu this week we have another, decidedly different, take on the pom-pom genre, The Swinging Cheerleaders; directed by none other than Jack Hill. This review was originally due to appear in the next issue of carbon 14, as part of our salute to the cinematic genius of Jack Hill, but it wouldn't fit. Plus, in all honesty, I didn't think the movie - unlike so many of his other films - had much cinematic genius to it. On the other hand, I hate to see a review go to waste. Speaking of c14, tune in next week for the full column, AKA the first official peek at the contents of #29.

Hustlers, Riders and Mob-ettes; new this week at the buffet…

It is now the second week of January 2007 and, as promised in our last posting, we are back from our brief holiday hiatus and ready to resume our regular schedule of regularly scheduled updates. So let's dig in, shall we?

First join the Kommandant for a nonsensical double feature of '70s sleaze that'll take us from the jungles of the Philippines, where we'll get hustled by the ladies of the Hustler Squad, to the hills of California where we'll be taken for a ride by a pair of ruthless, sadistic, jive talking Wild Riders.

Then join me as we head off to an undisclosed location and get saddled up to cruise alongside an unusually manicured group of hog straddling female animals on the prowl, The Mini-Skirt Mob.

Black Christmas Evil; new this week at the buffet…

This week we salute the holiday season BMB style with a pair of Christmas themed flicks almost completely bereft of good will towards men, women or children.

Next week we'll further salute the season by taking the week off. We will return to our regularly scheduled schedule of regular weekly updates the second week of January. And now back to our menu…

First join us as we dream of a seasonally themed movie that could legitimately give a person nightmares, Black Christmas. Then find out who's naughty and nice when the Kommandant's cup runneth over with Christmas Evil.

Massacres & more massacres; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we go back in B-Movie history with a double dose of films featuring copious amounts of bloody death.

First we return to the '80s, aka The Decade That Dripped Blood, to have our collective brain is singed by "the worst horror movie of all time", Microwave Massacre.

Then we'll travel to the turbulent '70s to see if we can survive the brutal bloodshed of "the ultimate biker flick", Northville Cemetery Massacre.

Carnal cavemen & mondo mammaries; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we read aloud the name written in blood and discover the wacky wanton horror hidden in Arch Hall Sr. / Arch Hall Jr.'s camp classic Eegah; and take to the jungle for a taboo double feature of grindhouse "goona-goona", Forbidden Adventure & Forbidden Women.

Take it off, take it all off; new this week at the buffet…

This week the BMB goes international - again!

First, join the Kommandant on a journey to South Africa where you'll be hypnotized by the "true" tale of South Africa's most famous stripper, Glenda Kemp, Snake Dancer.

Then travel to Italy with Bunny and pay a visit to Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror for the unveiling of kitschy Giallo thriller Strip Nude For Your Killer.

Bloody babes & cursed Counts; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we bear witness to the unadorned, unsuspecting, unashamed, naked terror of a Harry Novak Horror Double Feature featuring The Beautiful, The Bloody And The Bare & Behind Locked Doors; and get bitten by the curious blood curse of the Karnsteins discovered in Crypt Of The Vampire.

Werewolves gone wild; new this week at the buffet…

Much to the Kommandant's dismay, we were unable to find a Thanksgiving themed slasher movie to add to the menu this week. And, believe me, he tried! Not to worry though, he's already working on a treatment for one. (I wish that was a joke but, sadly, it's not.) Who knows, if he secures proper backing, perhaps it'll be ready for next year's BMB Thanksgiving menu. Anywhoo, in lieu of that fact, we offer up these triptophan free menu additions that have absolutely nothing to do with pilgrims, Indians, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc.

First, join us as we dine on a dubiously related double feature of The Doomsday Machine & Werewolf Of Washington, courtesy the one and only (unless we count her previously mentioned cartoon doppleganger, Boobarella) Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark. (And check out this alternate ad mock up from the W.O.W. pressbook, courtesy the personal collection of the Kommandant.) Then spend the night with an assortment of wayward middle aged girls and lecherous middle aged men as we hunt down the identity of a Werewolf In A Girls' Dormitory.

Mod murders & bloody black lace; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we learn that, much like Lay's Potato Chips, the Kommandant can't stop at just one pseudonym! (I do have to admit both things are somewhat addictive.) With that said, I am pleased to present the debut installment of our newest column, Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror, featuring Mario Bava's classic tale of modeling and murder, Blood And Black Lace.

For our second entree, join us as we travel from the fashion houses of Milan to the gritty streets of Manhattan for a freaky beatnik double feature of Brian De Palma's lost "horror" film, Murder A La Mod and Larry Moyer's cultural obscurity The Moving Finger.

A Dracula meets a Frankenstein meets a Wolfman; new this week at the buffet…

This week Bunny sits down to a monstrous double feature of Count Dracula's Great Love & Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks, hosted by wig-headed, big-breasted, horror movie hostess (and obvious inspiration for one of my favorite Simpsons sub-characters, Boobarella), Elvira; and The Kommandant is cursed and bedeviled by the Curse Of The Devil, starring everyone's favorite Spanish werewolf, Paul Naschy.

On a completely unrelated note, should any of you reading this happen to find yourself in Hostile City this weekend and you're looking for something not necessarily b-movie related to do Friday night, may I suggest attending an unusual evening of full contact rock and roll featuring no less than four Steel Cage bands - specifically South Jersey's most kick ass Southern rock band, Son Of A Gun; the down and dirty punk of Phoenix, Arizona's Labor Party and a double dose of philthy Philly rawk care of the garage groove of Thee Minks and the hard boiled sounds of the Jukebox Zeros (featuring BMB contributors Peter Santa Maria & Rob Smentek) - rocking the same room at the same time? Actually, the bands will not be rocking the room at the same time; they will be rocking the room at carefully scheduled intervals determined by Ben from Millcreek Tavern but you get the idea.

Tinseltown truisms & a handful of horror films; new this week at the buffet…

Stately Wayne Manor shares Even More Indisputable Truisms From Tinseltown in the latest installment of Manor On Movies; while Bunny & the Kommandant settle in for an all-night horror-thon of terror with four "gore-soaked" movies contained in one Super Chiller Blood-O-Rama.

Four years ago... sometime in October...

...the B-Movie Buffet made it's humble debut as a semi-annual column on CrimsonAndCherry.com. Since then I've always kind of considered Halloween to be our "birthday", even though the BMB site didn't officially launch until February 2005. Anywhoo, in honor of this occasion (and seeing as how the C&C archives are currently off-line and therefore currently unreadable) I thought I'd post said first column here for anyone who might care to read it. Enjoy!

In the past couple years my hubby, the Kommandant, has really wanted a DVD player. I was hesitant; for one thing, we have a perfectly good VCR - in fact we have two - and many, many videos. Why do we need a DVD player? And isn't this just going to end up being another Manitoba's Wild Kingdom situation? (This is kind of an in-joke between the Kommandant & I, basically we have that record in every available format - cassette, vinyl & CD.) It was the record player vs. CD player controversy of my college years all over again. I eventually folded and got a CD player but I still like records more than CDs. I might still be holding out on the DVD argument today but eventually he just went ahead and bought himself one for his birthday. (We have separate bank accounts so I couldn't really say anything.) I must admit I have since been won over by the new format because, for whatever reason, the powers that be of filmdom seem to be intent on releasing every and any thing they've got on DVD.

As a lover of cinema that goes below the "mainstream" radar this has definitely worked to my advantage. You can find all sorts of crap on DVD! And of course, I mean crap as a compliment. So… in honor of my new-found love of DVDs, my long-term love of weird cinema and my life-long love of Halloween I offer up a sampling of cult / B-movie DVDs that I think are just perfect for this festive holiday season. I've decided to not discriminate by rating category so I've chosen things with G ratings all the way to XXX. I'll start with the all ages fare; although now that I've said that everyone is probably going to skip to the end anyway.

Batman: The Movie (20th Century Fox) OK, so this movie isn't necessarily Halloween related but it's got plenty of masks and costumes - and what in the world is more fun, kitschy and B-movie-esque than Batman? I have seen this movie like a hundred times and I swear I could watch it a hundred times more. Where to even start? The set… the dialogue… the "special effects"… really, the movie has it all. Except Julie Newmar, my favorite Catwoman; instead they cast Lee Meriwether (AKA the lamest Catwoman) for some reason. Obviously I'm willing to overlook that since every other aspect is so cheesy and bad that it's actually great - just like the TV show. And I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they put that out on DVD. In the meantime, you can watch this.

Destroy All Monsters (ADV Films) Of course, the name Godzilla is synonymous with cult cinema and, not surprisingly, I love Godzilla movies. It was hard to choose just one but, since this one has such a mind boggling wide and varied array of classic examples of bad cinema and, as the title would imply, lots of monsters, it's a good place to start if you're new to the genre. I think it's fair to say this isn't gonna really frighten young children, unless the child is bright enough to be frightened of the thought of a major motion picture studio (which Toho is in Japan) that gets away with using string so boldly - so I'd say this is OK for family viewing. Generally speaking, Godzilla movies are for the young and young at heart alike.

Bucket Of Blood (MGM) This movie, although not particularly gory or scary by today's standards, is a little higher up on the maturity scale. It has a cohesive plot; although that's not to say it's not a wacky slice of cinema - it's a Roger Corman movie. (I think that fact speaks volumes about any movie.) It's basically about a busboy in a beatnik coffee house who secretly longs to be an artist and in with the "in" crowd. When he accidentally kills a cat and makes it into art, it seems like his dream is going to come true. Then, naturally (as in any great b-movie) wacky hi-jinx ensue. The star of the film, Dick Miller, has also been in tons of other films of various grades and I believe even had a brief stint as some sort of criminal-with-a-heart-of-gold on General Hospital.

Killer Creature Double Feature (Madacy Entertainment) I have not seen every one of the movies in this DVD series but the series as a whole is definitely of note, not only for the movies themselves but also for each DVD's incredibly odd pairings. For example, Screaming Skull, a black & white atmospheric, "psychological thriller" is paired with The Werewolf VS. Vampire Woman, an undeniably cheesy but great low budget film from 1970 starring Paul Naschy. Another equally odd pairing is the horrifyingly bad Tormented with Lady Frankenstein - I believe the only Frankenstein movie to feature Jayne Mansfield's ex-husband Mickey Hargitay, natch. Each DVD has two movies, some trailers for other titles in the series and a cartoon. What are you waiting for? Pop up some popcorn & settle in with your honey for some B-movie classics, you can always make out instead if you don't like the movie - just like at a real drive-in.

Evil Dead (Anchor Bay) I figured I had to throw one actual horror movie in here. I do like a number of larger budget horror movies but they're too big budget for this purpose. Evil Dead is low budget by my standards, although it has since gone on to much greater acclaim than probably anyone thought it would. I first saw this movie when I was in high school, and at the time it really creeped me out. Then again I was in a stranger's house (a friend of the guy I was dating at the time) that was decorated in a very weird mix of hunting ephemera and dolls, and we were all stoned to the gills - and I was sixteen. These days, it's hard not to watch it and see Bruce Campbell as the campy actor he is now known as but you still gotta love this flick, especially around Halloween.

The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide (Something Weird) OK, everyone - now we're getting to the smutty stuff. This is a very loose interpretation (in fact, the title isn't even spelled properly) of the well known story where a certain doctor drinks a potion and turns into a blood thirsty stalker. (No relation to the Limecell song by the same name.) Only in this "Adult" version Dr Jekyll, who is a man, turns into Miss Hide - oh yes, a woman. I think they needed an excuse to get boobs into the plot-line; and, in that sense, mission accomplished. It seems the first thing any male doctor would do if he suddenly turned into a woman is feel him- (or is it her-?) self up. As far as the adult aspect, it's not what you'd call porn by today's standards. There's nudity, particularly in the form of the aforementioned boobs, and what I'll call implied sex. Maybe a little kissing around the midsection, but the camera certainly never ventures any father down than that. Nonetheless, this is 100 times more fun than every soft-core movie I've ever watched on late night cable - plus it features Rene Bond, a sure sign of B-movie fun.

Double Feature & Bride Of Double Feature (Wicked Pictures) Unlike everything else I've mentioned, these are pornos; you know, money shots… butt sex… that kind of thing. So if that kind of thing bothers you, do not rent these movies! On the other hand, if you like B-movies and porn you should go rent these movies right now. Obviously, I like the former and as far as the latter - I guess I like it more in theory than practice. If porn actually did feature people that I find attractive having hot sex, I would champion it more. But, generally speaking, it's girls that all look the same with tans and fake boobs giving head to Ron Jeremy; and that is just not that interesting. But I digress. I've seen a bit of porn in my day - in the name of science, of course - and it's rare that I find something I would recommend to anyone. Double Feature and it's equally charming sequel Bride Of Double Feature are pornos I had to watch the first time (I reviewed them) that I would voluntarily watch again.

So there you go. I hope this has illustrated that there's a whole world of film out there that has nothing to do with the new release section at Hollywood Video (I have nothing against new releases - I just hate Hollywood Video!) and plenty of bad-in-a-good-way & good-in-a-bad-way cinema out there just waiting to be appreciated. Dive in!

Blue-faced bloodsuckers and brazen hussies; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny gets a taste of Herschell Gordon Lewis' A Taste Of Blood; while the Kommandant takes in a trashy teen double feature of Alley Tramp & Over 18… And Ready!

Devil hands, drug-crazed teens and Hitler's brain; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny is touched by the atmospheric black and white hand of The Devil's Hand; Peter Santa Maria gets into trouble with a delinquent double feature of Hooked & The Flaming Teen-Age; and The Kommandant is driven mad by Madmen Of Mandoras, aka They Saved Hitler's Brain.

It's Friday October 13th, 2006; do you know where your hockey mask is?

Yes campers, sadly the time has come to close the books on our 2006: The Year Of The 13ths series. But not before we blast off into outer space for one more bloody massacre in the form of the final "official" sequel, Jason X (aka Friday The 13th Part 10).

Ass kicking super agents and voodoo loving vampires; new this week at the buffet…

In honor of one of our favorite B-movie heroines, Tamara Dobson, who passed away last week after a long illness, join the Kommandant as he investigates a tale of international intrigue & outrageous fashion, Cleopatra Jones And The Casino Of Gold.

And while you're in a soul sinema mood why not go back to Blacula for the second - and last - entry in the series, Scream, Blacula, Scream.

(Interested parties can find reviews of Cleopatra Jones & Blacula here.)

Outlaws versus monsters versus car wrecks; new this week at the buffet…

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago in my Cinderella 2000 review, I really do make an effort to review all of the DVDs people send us. But, guess what? Apparently even I have limits! I seriously could not make it through more than twenty minutes of the movie I was planning to review this week, Jocks. (Starring Mariska Hargitay, aka daughter of Jayne Mansfield and Mickey Hargitay; Richard Roundtree, aka Shaft; and Christopher Lee, who has starred in so many movies that he's pretty much just famous for being Christopher Lee at this point.)

Generally speaking, teen sex comedies form the '80s aren't really "our thing" - here at the BMB movies we review that were filmed in the '80s that feature teens having sex also feature said teens dying horrible bloody deaths - but the review pickins have been a little slim lately so I though I'd give it a shot. (I never promised I'd say nice things about these DVDs, after all, I just promised I'd review them.) But the only thing I have to say about this film is - what the fuck kind of teen comedy doesn't have exposed breasts in the first twenty minutes!?! And that in itself, despite being a valid question, isn't enough to make a proper review.

Anywhoo, I bring this all up because it was this experience that led me to tell the Kommandant that he could pick this week's review materials for each of us from the remaining review pile or the "archive." Had I known this would have subsequently led to my third viewing of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, perhaps I would have chosen to make my own choice. But I didn't. You can read his thoughts on this, uh, classic here. (Believe it or not I reviewed this film for another site, Candy For Bad Children, a couple years ago; interested parties can read my review here.) For me he decided on the "companion" film William Beaudine made the same year, Billy The Kid Versus Dracula.

As an aside to the above aside - the friend I reference in my JJMFD review is none other than Jukebox Zero, c14 scribe, championship bowler and BMB contributor Peter Santa Maria. I'm not sure why I didn't name him by name in the CFBC review but I thought I'd mention it here. While I'm at it I may as well mention that Peter did get to choose his own DVD for review this week; and he elected to downshift into a hard driving SWV double feature of Speed Lovers & Thunder In Dixie.

Bollywood or bust; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we've got a pungent, spicy, double dose of Hindi horror film, courtesy the Ramsay Brothers & Mondo Macabro's newest release, The Bollywood Horror Collection - Volume 1.

First up, alphabetically speaking, Bunny sinks her teeth into the Ramsay's take on the Dracula myth, Bandh Darwaza; then The Kommandant curses himself for waiting more than 20 years to see their horror epic Purana Mandir.

Freaky fairy tales and spellbound Satanists; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we try on Al Adamson's only known X-rated sci-fi musical fairy tale sex comedy, Cinderella 2000; and sell our soul to the latest entry in our If I Had A Hammer column, The Devil Rides Out.

Hellbound hockey masks and ladies of the night; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny heads to Times Square to be propositioned by a "Sin City" double feature of The Hookers & P.P.S. (Prostitutes Protection Society); while the Kommandant heads south of heaven for the ninth installment of our 2006: The Year Of The 13ths series, Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (aka Friday The 13th Part 9.)

Spanish wolfmen and Mexican zombies; new this week at the buffet…

This week, join us on a trip around the world BMB style!

First we'll head to Spain and be somewhat bloody terrified by Frankenstein's Bloody Terror; starring everyone's favorite Spanish werewolf Paul Naschy. Then it's off to Mexico where we'll dig into the guts and gore of Ruben Galindo's classic take on the slasher flick, Grave Robbers. Finally, later on today, we'll head to Paris where we'll watch someone - hopefully Vincent - get axed from Project Runway. (That last part has nothing to do with the buffet, but that is what I'll be doing tonight.)

Cursed doll people and damn bloody apes; new this week at the buffet…

This week the BMB menu takes us South of the border, down Mexico way, and straight into a cryptic, terrifying, Crypt Of Terror!

Join the Kommandant as he stays up late to witness the over the top array of gals, gore and gorillas that come out during the Night Of The Bloody Apes; then cuddle up with Bunny and be spellbound by the moody, atmospheric creepiness and diminutive devilish dolls of Curse Of The Doll People.

Gold booted girls and singularly shocking moments; new this week at the buffet…

The fresh menu options this week are two flicks from everyone's favorite tusk wearing, mustachioed, cult movie director, Ted V. Mikels. Not that there are any other tusk wearing, mustachioed, cult movie directors that we like any less, or even any others in existence; I just wanted to show TVM a little extra love. (Platonically, of course. Watching his movies is one thing, potentially becoming a "castle lady" is quite another.) But I digress.

First up, alphabetically, is a torrid tale of a down-on-her-luck waitress who longs to be the best go-go girl on the block, Girl In Gold Boots; followed by a seamy story involving a man, his wife and all of the tawdry marital bliss threatening twists and turns that lead up to One Shocking Moment.

The BMB returns with a trio of tasty trash…

Yes, we are back; and, thanks our blissful beach front vacation, we are refreshed, relaxed and tanner than ever! At least I am. (Although, in reality, tan for me is still pretty pale for the rest of the world.) The Kommandant doesn't so much tan as he just gets swarthier.

Anywhoo, as promised in our last posting, new to the buffet this week is the eighth entry in our 2006: The Year Of The 13ths series, Friday The 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan, plus a crazy Canadian rock 'n' roll nightmare, Rock 'n' Roll Nightmare.

Also new to the menu this week, and new to the site in general, is the debut of our newest column, Manor On Movies. (Which isn't actually new at all; it's been running in c14, Exploitation Retrospect and some other publications that have no link to me, for years. It is, however, new to this site.) In the BMB's premiere installment of this beloved long-running column, Stately Wayne Manor takes it To The Limit with none other than Anna Nicole Smith.

Deviled swords and psycho beaches; new this week at the buffet…

I don't know what it's like where you all live but here in Philly it was a steamy, sauna-like 98 degrees today. And it's gotta be at least 98 degrees here in the steamy, sauna-like attic I call an office so let's keep this brief, shall we?

New to the BMB menu this week we have a surreal, psychedelic slice of sex, savagery and men in rubber crocodile suits, The Devil's Sword; and an appropriately summery romp full of sand, surf and sexual confusion, Psycho Beach Party.

And, on that note, the BMB will be taking a brief hiatus for the next few weeks while the Kommandant & I skip town for a much needed vacation. We will resume our regularly scheduled schedule of regular weekly updates on August 13th with reviews of Friday The 13th Part 8: Jason Takes Manhattan & something far scarier than a crazed serial killer set loose on the streets of New York City, a horror movie featuring the acting and musical "skills" of Jon Mikl Thor, Rock 'N' Roll Nightmare.

Jason is back…

On Thursday, July 13th, 2006, Jason - and the Kommandant - will meet his match in the latest installment of 2006: The Year Of The 13ths, Friday The 13th Part 7: The New Blood.

A double dose of documentary DVD; new this week at the buffet…

While I can't quite categorize this week's specials as B-Movies, I can (and will) categorize these documentaries as independent films and that totally counts in my book. (Not that anyone was asking.) First up, alphabetically speaking, is a fascinating foray into the hearts, minds and homes of 8-track minded folk around the U. S. of A., So Wrong They're Right. Rounding out our new menu offerings is We Jam Econo: The Story Of The Minutemen, a thoroughly engaging documentary about a thoroughly engaging band.

Interesting personal trivia note: one of the interviewees in this film shook us down for royalty money last year because a record we released in 2002 contained a cover version of one of his long since defunct band's songs. Crazy, huh? I had to admit I was unaware that you had to pay a musician for the right to record a version of one of their songs but he seemed convinced that we "owed" him a sizable fee and was determined to collect it. (The Steel Cage band in question was mortified that an old friend / associate of theirs would send a threatening letter to a small independent record label, and offered to pay him whatever he wanted out of their own pocket - an offer we greatly appreciated, but turned down.) Since the royalties we "withheld" from him, according to the official BMI / ASCAP mechanical royalty policy that he cited, totaled six bucks and some change we just sent him a check. So, yeah, essentially we paid him to leave us alone. Sigh. On a somewhat related note I have a huge crush on another one of this film's interviewees so I'm thinking about starting a Circle Jerks cover band in the hopes that Keith Morris will call or email me. Wish me luck.

The wild world of the Wizard Of Gore, part 2; new this week at the buffet…

As mentioned in the previous post, there were two reviews that were meant to be included in our look at the eye popping films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, This Stuff'll Kill Ya! (as seen on the buffet menu last week and soon to be seen in the new issue of c14, due back from the printer on or around July 17th) that didn't quite fit. Not even in the teeny weeny small type; the one I hardly ever use anymore since ANTiSEEN's Joe Young told me he can't read it even when he's wearing his contacts.

Despite this layout impaired snafu, we at the BMB hate to let hot, fresh, tasty content go to waste, so we've elected to offer these "bonus" reviews of The Gruesome Twosome and Something Weird as our Fourth Of July menu. Plus, in our humble opinion, nothing salutes the birth of our nation like a couple of independent films featuring talking wigheads and killer bed sheets. Enjoy!

The wild world of the Wizard Of Gore; new this week at the buffet…

While we're patiently waiting for the next issue of carbon 14 to make it's way through the printing process we thought we'd briefly veer away from the BMB review pile to bring you a fresh, tasty slice of soon-to-be-hot-off-the-presses content from our hopefully soon-to-be-hot-off-the-presses pages: a look at the eye popping films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, This Stuff'll Kill Ya! Tune in next week for the reviews that Bunny couldn't fit into the layout no matter how hard she tried.

A double dose of vampiric villainy; new this week at the buffet...

The Kommandant sinks his teeth into the wacky outfits and thinly veiled plot of Hammer's Dracula A.D. 1972 & Phil D. Ford barks at a Tromatic tale of vampires, Satanists, Egyptians and evil glowing orbs, Scarlet Moon.

A big bad mama meets the man behind the mask; new this week at the buffet…

The Kommandant investigates a classic tale of men, money and moonshine, Big Bad Mama; and Bunny returns to Camp Crystal Lake for the sixth installment of 2006: The Year Of The 13ths, Friday The 13th Part 6: Jason Lives.

Venus vs. Venus; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny submits herself to an obscure slice of sixties sexploitation, Joe Marzano's Venus In Furs; and The Kommandant gets on top of Jess Franco's seductive, surreal sexcapade, Venus In Furs.

Life's span & blind death; new this week at the buffet…

Whenever we're in the production stages of an issue of c14, I tend to get a bit of tunnel vision and end up immersing myself in assorted things being featured in the issue. With #27, for example, I spent a whole month watching Blaxploitation films and listening to Steve Wilson-era Rancid Vat (the subject of Thee Whiskey Rebel's column) and Turbonegro's Party Animals. (It was reviewed twice, by Falling James & Alex Richmond, who also wrote a great travel piece for that issue centering around her pilgrimage to the '05 Turbojugend Astra Meeting.)

Of course, with the production of a new issue comes new things to immerse myself in so for the past month I've been watching Herschell Gordon Lewis films (in preparation for our upcoming BMB retrospective) and listening to Redd Kross (with the Kommandant, in preparation for his interview with Steve McDonald.)

I bring all this up here because this week's menu offerings are also partially inspired by the next issue - specifically Dante's Six Pack Sinema column about The Blind Dead. I was really trying to wait until the issue was done to delve into this quad-rilogy but after the third read-through, I caved in. Thus this week's review of the OG of Blind Dead flicks, Tombs Of The Blind Dead.

Also new to the BMB this week, the Kommandant explores a mysterious exploration into the mystery of life, Lifespan.

Cursed castles & knife-wielding kooks; new this week at the buffet…

The Kommandant returns to his Corman Corner to catch Rog's take on Edgar Allan Poe's demonic tale of the ungodly, The Fall Of The House Of Usher.

And Bunny is pleased to meet the acquaintance of a macabre story of two motorcycle-riding, knife-wielding, shiv-shaving, arm-twisting, chain-lashing, scalpel-flashing, acid-throwing, gun-shooting, bone-breaking, pathological nuts and their pal the undertaker… The Undertaker And His Pals.

Kung-fu killers & slashed strippers; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny attempts to measure up to the confounding kung-fu of For Your Height Only and meet the Challenge Of The Tiger; while the Kommandant bares all about the terrifying dance of death that is Stripped To Kill II.

If Jason still haunts you, you're not alone...

...but if you are alone, especially if you're alone in the dark, then look out! Cause that's when he'll try to kill you.

Jason Voorhees doesn't really kill anybody in today's installment of 2006: The Year Of The 13ths, Friday The 13th Part V: A New Beginning, but don't worry - plenty of people do live long enough to die horrible deaths at the hand of some dude in a hockey mask and that's what we're all here for.

Murderous madmen, gun-toting gangsters and extra-troubled teens; new this week at the buffet...

We were supposed to host an in-house photo shoot for Thee Minks' upcoming 7" this past Sunday but the lovely Miss Liz Lixx rescheduled us, leaving the Kommandant and I with a rare day off. We considered staying home and working on the next issue of c14, which is due to go to the printer at the end of the month - for about a minute. Instead we decided to go out for brunch and hit a flea market in Lambertville, NJ.

The Country Host tends to be a little pricey for our tastes, featuring a lot of vendors selling expensive "antiques" of questionable age, assorted forms of advertising paraphernalia and hand carved seating made of trees. It's usually fun for browsing purposes though and sometimes there are tables filled with cheap junk - which is much more up our alley than brass clocks in the shape of various animals, giant coca-cola signs and tree benches. (Those are actually kind of cool if you're into that type of thing.)

My browsing resulted in the acquisition of two vintage enamel flower pins and a stack of sleaze paperbacks; plus a pair of sunburned shoulders. It was looking like the Kommandant was going to walk away empty handed - which hardly ever happens, as there are dollar record bins at pretty much every flea market we've ever been to and he hasn't met a dollar record bin that didn't contain a piece of vinyl he thought he might like. But then he came across a cranky old dude overseeing table after table of dusty old VHS tapes.

They seemed to be cast-offs from a defunct Blockbuster so the wobbly tables were laden with comedies, chick flicks and children's stuff but he persevered and unearthed copies of Mighty Peking Man, a movie we've already seen but agreed we would watch again; Stripped To Kill II, a Roger Corman produced sequel to a mid-'80s slasher flick neither of us had ever heard of; and a movie we kept meaning to rent in order to review as part of our Decade That Dripped Blood column but never quite got around to it, Sleepaway Camp. (Oddly enough the three tapes together cost a dollar less than it would have cost us to rent any of them from our local video store.)

I've been wanting to see Sleepaway Camp since I watched a somewhat recent interview with Felissa Rose where she reflects on her role as sullen pre-teen camper Angela. (The interview was part of the extras section on Troma's Slaughter Party DVD, which I reviewed earlier in the year; I totally and unknowingly spoiled the whole plot of SC in the one sentence I wrote about it in said review, so don't read that if you wanna be somewhat surprised by the ending.) I must admit, it definitely lived up to my expectations of being one crazy f'ed up movie. Interested parties can read the Kommandant's thoughts on this most unusual slasher flick here.

Also new to the buffet menu this week is a double dose of darkly lit film noir-esque "krimis", Monster Of London City and Secret Of The Red Orchid.

Hillbilly hellcats and psychic sea sirens; new this week at the buffet…

We have two new additions to the menu this week, served with a side order of self-referential trivia. The side order will be served first:

Do you know which star of Voyage To The Planet Of Prehistoric Women has had her portrait painted by Alberto Vargas, is rumored to have had affairs with Elvis Presley and Howard Hughes (among other famous men), and is one of the most famous people to ever grace the pages of our humble magazine, carbon 14? Why it's none other than fabulous blond bombshell Mamie Van Doren! The interview was done by the equally fabulous and bombshell-y, but not blond, Justice Howard and appeared in issue #20, along with some stunning photos of Mamie taken by Justice.

Please excuse the plug by the way, but I couldn't help myself from mentioning it - it's one of our biggest interview coups ever, right up there with Thee Whiskey Rebel's Merle Haggard interview and Falling James' two part Jayne County interview. Anywhoo, I now return you to our regularly scheduled update.

This week Bunny has her eyeballs singed by a scorching double feature of crazed country carnality, Hip, Hot And 21 and Hot Thrills And Warm Chills; while the Kommandant travels to a world where the women are beautiful and the men are spliced in from another movie, Voyage To The Planet Of Prehistoric Women.

A double dose of delinquency; new this week at the buffet…

The Kommandant learns a harsh lesson about schoolyard politics from the Class Of 1984.

And Bunny gets schooled in how not to behave around a nuclear power plant from the Class Of Nuke 'Em High.

Teenage Wolfman meets Teenage Frankenstein meets Teenage Dracula; new this week at the buffet…

If I may revisit a topic from last week, I think the Kommandant has finally kicked his WIP habit. At least temporarily. I'd like to take credit for that but, in truth, it was a dusty VHS tape he unearthed from a box in the basement over the weekend that provided the straw that - finally! - broke the back of this film rut. The offender: Amazon Jail. Trust me, the atrocities suffered by these imprisoned women was nothing compared to the atrocity of sitting through this movie. Watch at your own risk.

As for this week's offerings, we have a double dose of late '50s AIP teen trash, How To Make A Monster and Blood Of Dracula.

Thursday April 13th is Jason's unlucky day…

On this 13th day of the fourth month of 2006: The Year Of The 13ths please join us as we venture back to Crystal Lake a fourth time for the most inappropriately named installment in the series (aside from part 9, Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday) Friday The 13th: The Final Chapter.

Caged birds & fully realized lovedolls; new this week at the buffet...

I don't know about the rest of you but in our recreational movie watching we tend to get into what I call a genre rut - where we watch a whole bunch of similar movies in a row. For reasons unknown to us all, The Kommandant's been on a bit of a WIP kick lately. Subsequently, in the past couple weeks I've seen more braless women and group delousings than I ever thought I would see in my lifetime. And I think I've developed a bit of a crush on Sid Haig. (On an unrelated note, am I the only one who's noticed how much a mid-'70s Haig resembles a current day Santino Rice?)

These genre ruts also seems to reflect what we write about on the site, and to that end one of this week's new additions is the Kommandant's completely biased thoughts on The Big Bird Cage, by far the cream o' the crop of the chicks in chains movies we've watched in this cycle. If you're only going to see one movie featuring forced female imprisonment, sadistic prison guards, stoned revolutionaries, and one really, really tall wooden structure that refines sugar and crushes mouthy slave girls, I highly recommend you make it this one.

Also new to the menu this week - but totally unrelated to the above paragraphs in any way - is the much anticipated (by me anyway) newly released director's cut of Dave Markey's sequel to Desperate Teenage Lovedolls, Lovedolls Superstar Fully Realized.

Lusty ladies & satanic schoolgirls; new this week at the buffet…

I interrupt our regularly scheduled weekly update announcement to bring you the following announcement from our friends at Zombastic Films…

YOU ARE AMONG THE FIRST TO HEAR THE BIG, BIG, BIG, BIG NEWS

This week we finally signed a distribution deal for North America. Image Entertainment is the company that will be releasing DIE YOU ZOMBIE BASTARDS! on DVD.

Image is also the home to the films of Herschell Gordon Lewis, Ed Wood, Mario Bava and Jess Franco as well as the Something Weird, Criterion & Playboy collections. We're simply thrilled to think that DYZB! will be hitting the stores in such esteemed company. We're hoping that the aforementioned hitting of the stores will happen before the end of 2006, but there's no way to tell for sure at this point. Things are certainly moving in the right direction, however. Fingers are crossed. Rest assured that we will keep you posted, O Zombastic Faithful.

Congratulations guys! You totally deserve it.

And now back to our update. Freshly uploaded to the buffet menu this week is an absolutely sacrilicious tale of sin and sisterhood, Don't Deliver Us From Evil, and a double dose of sleazy sexploitation shenanigans, She Mob & Nymphs Anonymous.

The Curse Of Debbie Does Dallas...

As we have already covered many times over, I love a documentary. I didn't necessarily love this particular documentary but I didn't not love it. I suppose you could say I liked it. It definitely had it's plusses and minuses though. On the plus side it had Herschel Savage (who I like for some reason) and interviews with Bill Kelly & Pat Livingstone. (If you read The Other Hollywood you may remember these guys as the main men behind the MIPORN operation. And if you haven't read that book, you really should; it's fantastic.) On the minus side, there was curiously little information disseminated and in the end, I realized I still didn't know what the title was making reference to. Was there a curse? And if so, what was it?

I think part of the filmmakers' thesis is that because Bambi Woods disappeared from the film industry, adult or otherwise, shortly after the film's release, that it "cursed" her career but I don't know; if I was her, I might have gone into hiding too. Just between you, me & the lamppost, Debbie Does Dallas isn't all that great of a movie. When the Kommandant & I watched it (purely for research purposes of course) I remember thinking that she kind of looked like she showed up on set to deliver lunch and wound up accidentally starring in a dirty movie that accidentally ended up being one of the most well known porn films of all time. I will say this much, when I eventually get around to seeing Desperately Seeking Seka there better be a fifty-something Seka by the end of the film.

Mysterious masked murderers and fanged femme fatales; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny attempts to unravel the mystery of who killed who, where, and with what buried deep within Jess Franco's Night Of The Skull.

And the Kommandant chimes in with his thoughts on the atmospheric and bloodless coup of Slaughter Of The Vampires.

The good, the bad and the confusing; or, random thoughts on random films I watched this month...

Petey Wheatstraw - The more Rudy Ray Moore movies I see, the more of an appreciation I have for the man. This is the third RRM flick; some of the regulars from the first two are back, my favorite being J.B. Baron, the redneck sheriff in Human Tornado. (Appearing here as the flustered and bumbling ghetto doctor.) Comedy duo Skillet and Leroy have major supporting roles, but Moore (in the title role) takes Wheatstraw over the top. Some of the intentional playing up of old stereotypes like watermelon eating are hilarious as well, and the birth of Petey is so ridiculous it's like the comedic equivalent of the delivery scene from It's Alive. Unfortunately, they just don't make movies like this anymore.

Moog - Moog is the perfect example of great subject matter and disappointing execution. The best thing this rambling, un-focused documentary has to offer are the frequently, possibly unintentionally, funny comments of Rick Wakeman. Mostly it's Bob Moog in various places talking to the camera or talking to various colleagues and musicians about experiences with the synths that bear his name. And the soundtrack is annoyingly loud, particularly during the interview sequences.

Beat Girl - A puzzling UK JD flick from 1960; the plot boils down to the teenage rebellion of a girl who's pissed at daddy and his new wife, who happens to be a "ancient" 24-year old foxy French babe. Turns out stepmom did a bit of strippin' and prostitutin' to make ends meet back in the day, which we learn courtesy of sleazy strip club owner Christopher Lee. (He is the saving grace of this picture.) The rest of it all boils down to the girl hanging out with her friends, trying to be cooler than everyone else; constantly saying and doing things that make her stepmom smack her in the face and her squaresville dad throw his hands in the air yelling, "These words! What do they mean? What are you saying?" After watching the film, I was left thinking the same thing—except I think I understood what they were saying.

A cornucopia of Sarno-ality; new this week at the buffet...

As you may imagine, I occasionally do other things besides watching and reviewing movies. One of my numerous "day jobs" is serving as the defacto art department for the record label the Kommandant & I run, Steel Cage Records.

As far as jobs go, it's a pretty damn good one; and one I rarely, if ever, complain about. Because I love to design shit! One thing I really love to design is posters. I can't speak for other graphic artists - maybe this is just a reflection of my other interests - but I take a lot of inspiration from old movie posters.

I bring all of this up here because I have taken a lot of inspiration from the posters for movies made by the director responsible for all three of this week's featured buffet items - Joe Sarno. Particularly I love his mid-'60s period where the majority of his films feature seamy tales of suburban sin. The poster for The Love Merchant, for example, inspired this Hot Damn poster I did for their most recent SCR release.

I hadn't actually seen the movie prior to making the poster, but now that I have, I definitely recommend it. It's right up there with Sin In The Suburbs or The Swap (And How They Make It).

Also new to the menu this week are two additional slices of Sarno-sploitation, The Layout and The Devil's Plaything.

3-D action & two-wheel traction; new this week at the buffet...

It's March 13th, aka the 13th day of the third month of 2006: The Year Of The 13ths, so prepare yourself for the snake jumpin-est, glass smashin-est, eye gougin-est, pointy object throwin-est entry in the series Friday The 13th Part 3.

Also new to the menu this week, the biggest, baddest, best-est biker blaxploitation movie ever, The Black Six.

Blasphemy and boobs; new this week at the buffet...

I know we're a little past the point of making a relevant statement about this year's Oscars but I'm not gonna let that stop me from saying how disappointed I was in this year's documentary film nominees. Seriously, I love nature too but fuck penguins. What should have been nominated (and if it had been, won) is Rock School, the documentary about The Paul Green School Of Rock.

It came out sometime last year I think, to a flurry of rock and indie film critic praise, and has been available on DVD for a little while but we just saw it last night so the topic is fresh in my mind. The subject matter is pretty self explanatory, but for the benefit of those of you who maybe have never heard of the school or the movie, TPGSOR is a music school for children aged 9 - 17; it was founded here in Philly in 1998 and now has branches all over the country. The school is staffed by local musicians - all of whom have put their musical skills to practical uses - so instead of just being taught how to play an instrument, the kids also learn about all the other stuff that comes with playing music with other people. Then they take it a step further and school them on how to do all of that on a stage in front of a crowd of strangers by letting them experience it firsthand. Very cool.

Meanwhile, despite it's Philly-ness and the fact that I know a couple of the people who have taught at the school at various points, I was totally clueless prior to seeing this film that I sorta kinda in a round about way know Paul Green, through another local musician who I used to hang out with and sorta kinda in a round about way date. Which is so weird because I've read articles about the school and seen the accompanying pictures, and even attended one of their early performances, but it wasn't until Lisa (then Paul's foxy girlfriend, now Paul's foxy wife) popped up on the screen and I was all "oh snap, it's Lisa" that I realized "oh wait, then that's Paul." Weird!

The director definitely captured his quick wit and twisted sense of humor, but the guy my memory conjures up from the days of Sweet Pussy & the fish counter at Chef's Market hardly ever raised his voice at me or demanded to know whether or not I loved Satan. On the other hand, when the Kommandant was teaching me to play bass there was a lot of teacher-to-student and student-to-teacher yelling so maybe that's a situational thing. But I digress. I bring all of this up not to be self-referential (although that is kind of what this thing for isn't it?) but mainly just to say, Rock School, the movie, and The Paul Green School Of Rock, the school, are awesome.

Speaking of Satan, this week's review offerings - Satan's Blood and Witchcraft 666 - are right in line with one of Green's favorite teaching touchstones; although neither are very musical or appropriate for children, aged 9 - 17 or otherwise.

Bunny & the Kommandant go to the Oscars; part the Kommandant...

Is it me or were the 2006 Oscars the most boring awards ceremony ever? I remember when the Academy Awards were wacky, entertaining and unpredictable - especially when Carson was the host. Alas, long gone are the days of people turning down their awards as political statements, streakers, crazy outfits and pointless dance numbers. Although, there were those zombified car crash victims...

I looked forward to seeing what John Stewart was going to do as host but, despite a few good one-liners that were about as political as he could get away with, for the most part he was a kinda disappointing. The clear highlight of the evening was when 3-6 Mafia briefly turned the show into the Source Awards. They also garnered the evening's most bleeps. (I don't know who was more surprised - the group themselves, or Queen Latifah when she opened the envelope.) Balanced against that were strange genre-spanning tributes that never went anywhere (I figured they were gonna give someone an special award or something, not just run a string of clips from assorted films Noir) and endless movie stars displaying their complete inability to read from a cue card. Or, perhaps, to read at all.

Despite managing to continue my decade-plus streak of not seeing any nominated film - at least not any nominated for these awards - I was as surprised as anyone (well, anyone being Bunny since she was the only person who knew about it) that I was 4-for-4 on my Oscar ballot; picking Best Actor, Actress, Director and Picture. I also hit on four or five other minor awards but missed on anything else of real significance. Some of the choices seemed like they were out of left field to me, but what do I know?

I do feel bad for Paul Giamatti, who's shaping up to become the Susan Lucci of the silver screen. Taking into consideration the Sideways snub last year and loss to Clooney this year - plus the fact that he really should have won for his role in Private Parts but wasn't even nominated - can only lead me to the conclusion that it's a conspiracy. Clearly Giamatti is doomed to never win an Academy Award because his father banned Pete Rose when he was the Commissioner of Major League Baseball. It is indeed hard out there for a pimp.

In closing, yeah - it sucked. But I'll probably still watch it next year.

Bunny & the Kommandant go to the Oscars; part Bunny...

By now we all know who won and who lost, so let's talk about what really matters - who looked good. I think the evening's attire, as well as the show itself, can be summed up in one word: yawn. I mean, I am as guilty of falling back on black as the next girl or boy. We all do it. But you know what? Wearing a black dress with sparkly accessories to your friend's wedding is one thing. Wearing a very expensive black dress with very expensive sparkly accessories to the Oscars is another thing. A lame boring thing! Am I the only one who longs for a swan dress, a gown made of American Express cards, or Cher?

Anywhoo, I don't have a whole lot to say about this year's Oscar fashions, which I think in itself says quite a bit, but it wasn't too hard for me to decide on a best dressed woman and man.

Best dressed woman: Michelle Williams

Much like the time the Kommandant made me go with him to a Siouxie And The Banshees show he was reviewing for the Philadelphia Inquirer and I wore a pink tank top and all the crazily-dressed Goths stared at me, any color was bound to stand out and draw attention to the wearer in the sea of black and nude red carpet attire. It takes some balls to wear a yellow gown though so you gotta give Ms. Williams props for that. As well as risking an onslaught of Big Bird references in the post-show commentary. (There's bound to be at least one; although I heard someone else refer to it as condiment colored.) I also liked the way she rounded out the ensemble with the vintage-y necklace, the un-done but totally done updo and the severe red lip.

Runner-up: Jennifer Lopez

I'm not really a J-Lo fan but, if nothing else, she can be counted on to show up at an awards show in something unlike what everyone else is wearing. I think I'm attracted to this dress because it's the same color we used on the walls in our guest room but I also like the shape of it. I feel like she over-accessorized though. I think she definitely could have gotten rid of either the earrings or the necklace; and maybe that short guy who was attached to her back.

Best dressed man: Tyson Beckford

I'm not sure he even was at the Oscars, but during the post show wrap up on E! I saw a taped bit from their pre-show where he took off his t-shirt and pulled his jeans down to his ankles, revealing a very well accessorized (meaning everything that could be seen above, below, and inside of) a pair of white boxer briefs. I think I heard them say he was donating the removed shirt to charity; the pants thing I suppose was a spontaneous act of charity directed towards all the hetero women and gay men in the audience. In the end the why and how of seeing Tyson in his underwear does not matter, I'm just glad to have seen it.

Runner-up: n/a

I couldn't really come up with a single worst dressed person, as I found everyone else to be kind of unmemorable. I was gonna go with that crazy ass hunter green Christian Doir jammy-jam with the pillow on the shoulder that Charlize Theron wore but I changed my mind. I still think that dress was wack but, in retrospect, I can't say she was poorly dressed because at least she gave you something interesting to look at and talk about. Actresses and stylists alike should consider this Project Runway conundrum before choosing next years Oscar dresses: what is a worse fashion crime - going too far or not going far enough? I believe the fact that Santino Rice is one the three designers chosen to show at fashion week answers that question.

A mish-mash of trash; new this week at the buffet...

As many of you already know, the Oscars are this Sunday night. The Kommandant & I will probably watch the show, even though we haven't seen a single movie nominated in any category. For me the Academy Awards aren't really about movies anyway. The event is more about fashion and glamour and bullshitting with your girlfriends / sister / mother the next day about whose hair looked good and whose dress was ugly. (Or whose hair was ugly and whose dress looked good.)

I would like to point out one of the little B-movie related blips on this year's Oscar radar screen though and that is triple nominee George Clooney. We can only hope that, should he actually win something, there's a Stuttering John type in the press room readied with a question or two about his pivotal role in Return Of The Killer Tomatoes or what it was like to co-star with Marsha Brady in Return To Horror High. I would also like to point out that no one should ever let Clooney forget these easily forgettable entries in his filmography because that bushy eyebrowed fool acts like his shit don't stink; and if I may paraphrase Outkast, his cinematic roses - past, current and future - totally smell like poo-poo.

Anywhoo, as for this week's BMB offerings - we offer up three films which I have been unable to link in any way, because they have pretty much nothing in common: Last Woman On Earth, Roger Corman's tale of what happens when a pair of apocalyptic boys and one girl are the only people left alive; The Night Evelyn Came Out Of The Grave, a kitschy boobs and blood Euro-shocker form the '70s; and Touch Me In The Morning, a trailer noir epic from the demented mind of one of the dudes that starred in Cabin Fever.