Hustlers, Riders and Mob-ettes; new this week at the buffet…

It is now the second week of January 2007 and, as promised in our last posting, we are back from our brief holiday hiatus and ready to resume our regular schedule of regularly scheduled updates. So let's dig in, shall we?

First join the Kommandant for a nonsensical double feature of '70s sleaze that'll take us from the jungles of the Philippines, where we'll get hustled by the ladies of the Hustler Squad, to the hills of California where we'll be taken for a ride by a pair of ruthless, sadistic, jive talking Wild Riders.

Then join me as we head off to an undisclosed location and get saddled up to cruise alongside an unusually manicured group of hog straddling female animals on the prowl, The Mini-Skirt Mob.

Black Christmas Evil; new this week at the buffet…

This week we salute the holiday season BMB style with a pair of Christmas themed flicks almost completely bereft of good will towards men, women or children.

Next week we'll further salute the season by taking the week off. We will return to our regularly scheduled schedule of regular weekly updates the second week of January. And now back to our menu…

First join us as we dream of a seasonally themed movie that could legitimately give a person nightmares, Black Christmas. Then find out who's naughty and nice when the Kommandant's cup runneth over with Christmas Evil.

Massacres & more massacres; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we go back in B-Movie history with a double dose of films featuring copious amounts of bloody death.

First we return to the '80s, aka The Decade That Dripped Blood, to have our collective brain is singed by "the worst horror movie of all time", Microwave Massacre.

Then we'll travel to the turbulent '70s to see if we can survive the brutal bloodshed of "the ultimate biker flick", Northville Cemetery Massacre.

Carnal cavemen & mondo mammaries; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we read aloud the name written in blood and discover the wacky wanton horror hidden in Arch Hall Sr. / Arch Hall Jr.'s camp classic Eegah; and take to the jungle for a taboo double feature of grindhouse "goona-goona", Forbidden Adventure & Forbidden Women.

Take it off, take it all off; new this week at the buffet…

This week the BMB goes international - again!

First, join the Kommandant on a journey to South Africa where you'll be hypnotized by the "true" tale of South Africa's most famous stripper, Glenda Kemp, Snake Dancer.

Then travel to Italy with Bunny and pay a visit to Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror for the unveiling of kitschy Giallo thriller Strip Nude For Your Killer.

Bloody babes & cursed Counts; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we bear witness to the unadorned, unsuspecting, unashamed, naked terror of a Harry Novak Horror Double Feature featuring The Beautiful, The Bloody And The Bare & Behind Locked Doors; and get bitten by the curious blood curse of the Karnsteins discovered in Crypt Of The Vampire.

Werewolves gone wild; new this week at the buffet…

Much to the Kommandant's dismay, we were unable to find a Thanksgiving themed slasher movie to add to the menu this week. And, believe me, he tried! Not to worry though, he's already working on a treatment for one. (I wish that was a joke but, sadly, it's not.) Who knows, if he secures proper backing, perhaps it'll be ready for next year's BMB Thanksgiving menu. Anywhoo, in lieu of that fact, we offer up these triptophan free menu additions that have absolutely nothing to do with pilgrims, Indians, turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc.

First, join us as we dine on a dubiously related double feature of The Doomsday Machine & Werewolf Of Washington, courtesy the one and only (unless we count her previously mentioned cartoon doppleganger, Boobarella) Elvira, Mistress Of The Dark. (And check out this alternate ad mock up from the W.O.W. pressbook, courtesy the personal collection of the Kommandant.) Then spend the night with an assortment of wayward middle aged girls and lecherous middle aged men as we hunt down the identity of a Werewolf In A Girls' Dormitory.

Mod murders & bloody black lace; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we learn that, much like Lay's Potato Chips, the Kommandant can't stop at just one pseudonym! (I do have to admit both things are somewhat addictive.) With that said, I am pleased to present the debut installment of our newest column, Giallo Biafra's Trattoria Of Terror, featuring Mario Bava's classic tale of modeling and murder, Blood And Black Lace.

For our second entree, join us as we travel from the fashion houses of Milan to the gritty streets of Manhattan for a freaky beatnik double feature of Brian De Palma's lost "horror" film, Murder A La Mod and Larry Moyer's cultural obscurity The Moving Finger.

A Dracula meets a Frankenstein meets a Wolfman; new this week at the buffet…

This week Bunny sits down to a monstrous double feature of Count Dracula's Great Love & Frankenstein's Castle Of Freaks, hosted by wig-headed, big-breasted, horror movie hostess (and obvious inspiration for one of my favorite Simpsons sub-characters, Boobarella), Elvira; and The Kommandant is cursed and bedeviled by the Curse Of The Devil, starring everyone's favorite Spanish werewolf, Paul Naschy.

On a completely unrelated note, should any of you reading this happen to find yourself in Hostile City this weekend and you're looking for something not necessarily b-movie related to do Friday night, may I suggest attending an unusual evening of full contact rock and roll featuring no less than four Steel Cage bands - specifically South Jersey's most kick ass Southern rock band, Son Of A Gun; the down and dirty punk of Phoenix, Arizona's Labor Party and a double dose of philthy Philly rawk care of the garage groove of Thee Minks and the hard boiled sounds of the Jukebox Zeros (featuring BMB contributors Peter Santa Maria & Rob Smentek) - rocking the same room at the same time? Actually, the bands will not be rocking the room at the same time; they will be rocking the room at carefully scheduled intervals determined by Ben from Millcreek Tavern but you get the idea.

Tinseltown truisms & a handful of horror films; new this week at the buffet…

Stately Wayne Manor shares Even More Indisputable Truisms From Tinseltown in the latest installment of Manor On Movies; while Bunny & the Kommandant settle in for an all-night horror-thon of terror with four "gore-soaked" movies contained in one Super Chiller Blood-O-Rama.

Four years ago... sometime in October...

...the B-Movie Buffet made it's humble debut as a semi-annual column on CrimsonAndCherry.com. Since then I've always kind of considered Halloween to be our "birthday", even though the BMB site didn't officially launch until February 2005. Anywhoo, in honor of this occasion (and seeing as how the C&C archives are currently off-line and therefore currently unreadable) I thought I'd post said first column here for anyone who might care to read it. Enjoy!

In the past couple years my hubby, the Kommandant, has really wanted a DVD player. I was hesitant; for one thing, we have a perfectly good VCR - in fact we have two - and many, many videos. Why do we need a DVD player? And isn't this just going to end up being another Manitoba's Wild Kingdom situation? (This is kind of an in-joke between the Kommandant & I, basically we have that record in every available format - cassette, vinyl & CD.) It was the record player vs. CD player controversy of my college years all over again. I eventually folded and got a CD player but I still like records more than CDs. I might still be holding out on the DVD argument today but eventually he just went ahead and bought himself one for his birthday. (We have separate bank accounts so I couldn't really say anything.) I must admit I have since been won over by the new format because, for whatever reason, the powers that be of filmdom seem to be intent on releasing every and any thing they've got on DVD.

As a lover of cinema that goes below the "mainstream" radar this has definitely worked to my advantage. You can find all sorts of crap on DVD! And of course, I mean crap as a compliment. So… in honor of my new-found love of DVDs, my long-term love of weird cinema and my life-long love of Halloween I offer up a sampling of cult / B-movie DVDs that I think are just perfect for this festive holiday season. I've decided to not discriminate by rating category so I've chosen things with G ratings all the way to XXX. I'll start with the all ages fare; although now that I've said that everyone is probably going to skip to the end anyway.

Batman: The Movie (20th Century Fox) OK, so this movie isn't necessarily Halloween related but it's got plenty of masks and costumes - and what in the world is more fun, kitschy and B-movie-esque than Batman? I have seen this movie like a hundred times and I swear I could watch it a hundred times more. Where to even start? The set… the dialogue… the "special effects"… really, the movie has it all. Except Julie Newmar, my favorite Catwoman; instead they cast Lee Meriwether (AKA the lamest Catwoman) for some reason. Obviously I'm willing to overlook that since every other aspect is so cheesy and bad that it's actually great - just like the TV show. And I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they put that out on DVD. In the meantime, you can watch this.

Destroy All Monsters (ADV Films) Of course, the name Godzilla is synonymous with cult cinema and, not surprisingly, I love Godzilla movies. It was hard to choose just one but, since this one has such a mind boggling wide and varied array of classic examples of bad cinema and, as the title would imply, lots of monsters, it's a good place to start if you're new to the genre. I think it's fair to say this isn't gonna really frighten young children, unless the child is bright enough to be frightened of the thought of a major motion picture studio (which Toho is in Japan) that gets away with using string so boldly - so I'd say this is OK for family viewing. Generally speaking, Godzilla movies are for the young and young at heart alike.

Bucket Of Blood (MGM) This movie, although not particularly gory or scary by today's standards, is a little higher up on the maturity scale. It has a cohesive plot; although that's not to say it's not a wacky slice of cinema - it's a Roger Corman movie. (I think that fact speaks volumes about any movie.) It's basically about a busboy in a beatnik coffee house who secretly longs to be an artist and in with the "in" crowd. When he accidentally kills a cat and makes it into art, it seems like his dream is going to come true. Then, naturally (as in any great b-movie) wacky hi-jinx ensue. The star of the film, Dick Miller, has also been in tons of other films of various grades and I believe even had a brief stint as some sort of criminal-with-a-heart-of-gold on General Hospital.

Killer Creature Double Feature (Madacy Entertainment) I have not seen every one of the movies in this DVD series but the series as a whole is definitely of note, not only for the movies themselves but also for each DVD's incredibly odd pairings. For example, Screaming Skull, a black & white atmospheric, "psychological thriller" is paired with The Werewolf VS. Vampire Woman, an undeniably cheesy but great low budget film from 1970 starring Paul Naschy. Another equally odd pairing is the horrifyingly bad Tormented with Lady Frankenstein - I believe the only Frankenstein movie to feature Jayne Mansfield's ex-husband Mickey Hargitay, natch. Each DVD has two movies, some trailers for other titles in the series and a cartoon. What are you waiting for? Pop up some popcorn & settle in with your honey for some B-movie classics, you can always make out instead if you don't like the movie - just like at a real drive-in.

Evil Dead (Anchor Bay) I figured I had to throw one actual horror movie in here. I do like a number of larger budget horror movies but they're too big budget for this purpose. Evil Dead is low budget by my standards, although it has since gone on to much greater acclaim than probably anyone thought it would. I first saw this movie when I was in high school, and at the time it really creeped me out. Then again I was in a stranger's house (a friend of the guy I was dating at the time) that was decorated in a very weird mix of hunting ephemera and dolls, and we were all stoned to the gills - and I was sixteen. These days, it's hard not to watch it and see Bruce Campbell as the campy actor he is now known as but you still gotta love this flick, especially around Halloween.

The Adult Version of Jekyll and Hide (Something Weird) OK, everyone - now we're getting to the smutty stuff. This is a very loose interpretation (in fact, the title isn't even spelled properly) of the well known story where a certain doctor drinks a potion and turns into a blood thirsty stalker. (No relation to the Limecell song by the same name.) Only in this "Adult" version Dr Jekyll, who is a man, turns into Miss Hide - oh yes, a woman. I think they needed an excuse to get boobs into the plot-line; and, in that sense, mission accomplished. It seems the first thing any male doctor would do if he suddenly turned into a woman is feel him- (or is it her-?) self up. As far as the adult aspect, it's not what you'd call porn by today's standards. There's nudity, particularly in the form of the aforementioned boobs, and what I'll call implied sex. Maybe a little kissing around the midsection, but the camera certainly never ventures any father down than that. Nonetheless, this is 100 times more fun than every soft-core movie I've ever watched on late night cable - plus it features Rene Bond, a sure sign of B-movie fun.

Double Feature & Bride Of Double Feature (Wicked Pictures) Unlike everything else I've mentioned, these are pornos; you know, money shots… butt sex… that kind of thing. So if that kind of thing bothers you, do not rent these movies! On the other hand, if you like B-movies and porn you should go rent these movies right now. Obviously, I like the former and as far as the latter - I guess I like it more in theory than practice. If porn actually did feature people that I find attractive having hot sex, I would champion it more. But, generally speaking, it's girls that all look the same with tans and fake boobs giving head to Ron Jeremy; and that is just not that interesting. But I digress. I've seen a bit of porn in my day - in the name of science, of course - and it's rare that I find something I would recommend to anyone. Double Feature and it's equally charming sequel Bride Of Double Feature are pornos I had to watch the first time (I reviewed them) that I would voluntarily watch again.

So there you go. I hope this has illustrated that there's a whole world of film out there that has nothing to do with the new release section at Hollywood Video (I have nothing against new releases - I just hate Hollywood Video!) and plenty of bad-in-a-good-way & good-in-a-bad-way cinema out there just waiting to be appreciated. Dive in!

Blue-faced bloodsuckers and brazen hussies; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny gets a taste of Herschell Gordon Lewis' A Taste Of Blood; while the Kommandant takes in a trashy teen double feature of Alley Tramp & Over 18… And Ready!

Devil hands, drug-crazed teens and Hitler's brain; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny is touched by the atmospheric black and white hand of The Devil's Hand; Peter Santa Maria gets into trouble with a delinquent double feature of Hooked & The Flaming Teen-Age; and The Kommandant is driven mad by Madmen Of Mandoras, aka They Saved Hitler's Brain.

It's Friday October 13th, 2006; do you know where your hockey mask is?

Yes campers, sadly the time has come to close the books on our 2006: The Year Of The 13ths series. But not before we blast off into outer space for one more bloody massacre in the form of the final "official" sequel, Jason X (aka Friday The 13th Part 10).

Ass kicking super agents and voodoo loving vampires; new this week at the buffet…

In honor of one of our favorite B-movie heroines, Tamara Dobson, who passed away last week after a long illness, join the Kommandant as he investigates a tale of international intrigue & outrageous fashion, Cleopatra Jones And The Casino Of Gold.

And while you're in a soul sinema mood why not go back to Blacula for the second - and last - entry in the series, Scream, Blacula, Scream.

(Interested parties can find reviews of Cleopatra Jones & Blacula here.)

Outlaws versus monsters versus car wrecks; new this week at the buffet…

As I mentioned a couple weeks ago in my Cinderella 2000 review, I really do make an effort to review all of the DVDs people send us. But, guess what? Apparently even I have limits! I seriously could not make it through more than twenty minutes of the movie I was planning to review this week, Jocks. (Starring Mariska Hargitay, aka daughter of Jayne Mansfield and Mickey Hargitay; Richard Roundtree, aka Shaft; and Christopher Lee, who has starred in so many movies that he's pretty much just famous for being Christopher Lee at this point.)

Generally speaking, teen sex comedies form the '80s aren't really "our thing" - here at the BMB movies we review that were filmed in the '80s that feature teens having sex also feature said teens dying horrible bloody deaths - but the review pickins have been a little slim lately so I though I'd give it a shot. (I never promised I'd say nice things about these DVDs, after all, I just promised I'd review them.) But the only thing I have to say about this film is - what the fuck kind of teen comedy doesn't have exposed breasts in the first twenty minutes!?! And that in itself, despite being a valid question, isn't enough to make a proper review.

Anywhoo, I bring this all up because it was this experience that led me to tell the Kommandant that he could pick this week's review materials for each of us from the remaining review pile or the "archive." Had I known this would have subsequently led to my third viewing of Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter, perhaps I would have chosen to make my own choice. But I didn't. You can read his thoughts on this, uh, classic here. (Believe it or not I reviewed this film for another site, Candy For Bad Children, a couple years ago; interested parties can read my review here.) For me he decided on the "companion" film William Beaudine made the same year, Billy The Kid Versus Dracula.

As an aside to the above aside - the friend I reference in my JJMFD review is none other than Jukebox Zero, c14 scribe, championship bowler and BMB contributor Peter Santa Maria. I'm not sure why I didn't name him by name in the CFBC review but I thought I'd mention it here. While I'm at it I may as well mention that Peter did get to choose his own DVD for review this week; and he elected to downshift into a hard driving SWV double feature of Speed Lovers & Thunder In Dixie.

Bollywood or bust; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we've got a pungent, spicy, double dose of Hindi horror film, courtesy the Ramsay Brothers & Mondo Macabro's newest release, The Bollywood Horror Collection - Volume 1.

First up, alphabetically speaking, Bunny sinks her teeth into the Ramsay's take on the Dracula myth, Bandh Darwaza; then The Kommandant curses himself for waiting more than 20 years to see their horror epic Purana Mandir.

Freaky fairy tales and spellbound Satanists; new this week at the buffet…

This week at the BMB we try on Al Adamson's only known X-rated sci-fi musical fairy tale sex comedy, Cinderella 2000; and sell our soul to the latest entry in our If I Had A Hammer column, The Devil Rides Out.

Hellbound hockey masks and ladies of the night; new this week at the buffet…

Bunny heads to Times Square to be propositioned by a "Sin City" double feature of The Hookers & P.P.S. (Prostitutes Protection Society); while the Kommandant heads south of heaven for the ninth installment of our 2006: The Year Of The 13ths series, Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (aka Friday The 13th Part 9.)

Spanish wolfmen and Mexican zombies; new this week at the buffet…

This week, join us on a trip around the world BMB style!

First we'll head to Spain and be somewhat bloody terrified by Frankenstein's Bloody Terror; starring everyone's favorite Spanish werewolf Paul Naschy. Then it's off to Mexico where we'll dig into the guts and gore of Ruben Galindo's classic take on the slasher flick, Grave Robbers. Finally, later on today, we'll head to Paris where we'll watch someone - hopefully Vincent - get axed from Project Runway. (That last part has nothing to do with the buffet, but that is what I'll be doing tonight.)